The 3Ps of Shame and How You Can Let Them Go

The 3Ps of Shame can be found in People-pleasing, Perfectionism and Procrastination.

People-pleasing – refers to seeking approval from others and pleasing others in their needs and wants and often at the sacrifice of our own.

Perfectionism – the need to be perfect in the way we are, do or have and the refusal to accept flaws, imperfection or mistakes.

Procrastination – refers to the constant postponement of activities & employing distraction tactics, so that we can hide from our shame.

Many of us show up with one or more of the 3Ps. What drives people-pleasing, perfectionism or procrastination could be the belief of “not good enough”. We create shame stories about ourselves. Our stories are about our failures, inadequacies, faults, mistakes and imperfections and we try to cover them up with people-pleasing, perfectionism or procrastination. 

Refer to the infographic below on how we could be shaming ourselves on the inside…

No one like to openly talk about their shame. Nor may we be entirely aware of how we have been shaming ourselves unless we are willing to sit quietly with ourselves and be brutally honest. Indeed, shame is often shrouded in secrecy. It requires us to be vulnerable where we explore our feelings from a heart-space. Owning our painful feelings can cut deep and no one likes the idea of seeing ourselves as weak.

Yet, if we are to leave shame unaddressed, we are only passing it on to the people around us and our children too. We manifest it through shaming not just ourselves, but others too. When we project our shame stories, we risk creating harm to our relationships – it could be our relationship with our loved ones, relationship with our kids, relationship with money etc. 

Thankfully these can be addressed.

How You can Let Go of Shame

With mindfulness, we become aware whenever…

• [People-pleasing] we put our needs second or last and we get into our burnout.
• [Perfectionism] we become self-critical when reality does not match expectations.
• [Procrastination] we are in resistance to showing up fully. 
  

Inner work with letting go of the 3Ps of shame can help a lot! Sharing it with a trusted friend or working with a practitioner helps too. It’s when we give ourselves the permission to be vulnerable and to reveal how we have been shaming ourselves. The opportunity to  process our feelings and the roots of shame arise. 

Brene Brown, researcher on shame and best-selling author, shares that shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

Shame is to be distinguished from guilt. Shame is “I am a mistake” rather than “I made a mistake.” To let go of shame, we need to be vulnerable and own our stories.

When we feel shame, our energy is in contraction. Shame has the lowest vibration, according to the Map of Consciousness by David Hawkins. Compared to Enlightenment of 700+, shame is only vibrating 20. Releasing shame helps us to shift into a more expansive energy and the only way is up, since shame is already at the lowest. 

If Your 3Ps of Shame Are Deep Rooted

If we are experiencing deep shame, it is imperative that we let it go using a somatic approach like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). Shame is often embodied in the body. It can manifest in conditions such as eating disorders, mental illness and so on. It’s why a body-based approach for healing is most helpful.

Shame often arises from something that we’ve learned in the past especially in childhood. Releasing deep shame will involve courageously facing up to our fears of “not good enough”. We may need to reconnect with our wounded inner child in order to help her release shame. 

Letting go of the 3Ps of Shame leads to Greater Self-worth!  Alchemy happens when we make the shift from shame into our authentic selves. We are no longer held back by the need for people-pleasing, perfectionism and procrastination. Instead, we show up courageously, ever-present and embodying enoughness.

Love and Abundance Always, 
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach
Self-Love Healing Specialist 
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