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Self-Love Lessons from Little Swallow

“Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.” – Eric Hoffer

Her nickname is Little Swallow in Chinese. It is a name that is very suitable for she is petite, fair-skinned and full of life. Aptly, the word “swallow” in a name is a symbolic of feminine beauty. I was struck by her sunny nature from the moment I met her. Of Korean and Chinese descent, Little Swallow was our local tour guide during our trip in December.

We had decided on go to Korea for our family vacation. Because we were intending to travel long distances and do not know how to speak the Korean language, we figured that we were better off joining a tour group. We do not usually join tour groups so the decision was pretty much an exception.

What were unexpected were lessons on self-love by Little Swallow. Over eight days, Little Swallow would stand up in front of the tour bus to introduce us Korean culture, history and interesting sightseeing spots in fluent Mandarin. However, she would weave her personal stories laced with life lessons and often in poetic Chinese idioms while conducting the tour.

Having published Self-Love Secrets just prior to my trip, my ears would pick up whenever she was sharing a lesson about loving and accepting the self. I was very interested to hear what she had to say. Little Swallow shared about her insights with handling relationships in a culture that has been standing on the cusp of modern and traditional values. She spoke brilliantly, touchingly and beautifully.

Little Swallow exude healthy self-love even whilst it was clear that she was also on the journey towards loving herself more deeply. She shone with inner confidence. However, she also shared about a time of feeling inadequate about herself and about keeping sane in a society that is prone to depression. Today’s article is what I have gleaned from my encounter with an inspiring person in Korea.

Self-Love in A Modern-Traditional Society

Some background information might help. Modern South Korea continues to be predominantly a male-centered society. Despite its vast growth, traditional ideas and values remain. Perhaps it is the need to strike a healthy balance between the old and new that contributes to the high stress levels of the Koreans.

Suicide in South Korea occurs at the highest suicide rate among the 30 OECD countries. Its rate surpassed that of Japan. In the last decade alone, the toll of suicide deaths in South Korea doubled. A 2010 government report reveals that suicide is number one cause of death for those under 40 in South Korea.

According to Digital Journal, suicide in South Korea has also been connected to the Korean concept of “han”, a stoicism linked to thoughts of anger when faced with a seemingly insurmountable situation. Han has a deep history in Korean society and is linked to depression. It reportedly happens when people cannot show their cool selves, thus leading to frustration and taking drastic actions.

Little Swallow belongs to a new group of women, who works to starve off depression. Many married women in Korea don’t, apparently. At first happy to stay home, they soon realize that centering their lives around their families eventually create the problems of loneliness when their children grow up. Communication problems also arise with many married couples, from being a male-dominated society.

Self-Love and Plastic Surgery

Then, there is also the matter of plastic surgery. According to some reports, Korea has the highest rate of going under the knife. It is a society that stresses on looking perfect. In fact, it is now widely known that Seoul is the go-to place to get a nip or tuck. The Korean look, with high cheekbones and sculptured features appeals to many Asians. To understand how pervasive plastic surgery is, a BBC news report in 2009 has the conservative estimate of 50% of all South Korean women going for some form of cosmetic surgery by the time they turn 20.

Little Swallow shared about how advanced Korea was in the “invasive” aesthetic department. Which leads us to wonder to whether she has had any cosmetic surgery done or not. Well, she confessed to having gotten a botox treatment once. However, she shared that she would never do so again. She has learned to accept herself in many ways and that there is no need for looking “plastic”.

Ask For Acknowledgement

Every evening, en-route to our hotel, Little Swallow would ask for a clap of hands. It had been a hard day’s work for her. We were asked to acknowledge her efforts by clapping if we had appreciated how she had conducted the tour and secured some of the best deals for us each day. We gladly did that. We knew that Little Swallow had justly earned our appreciation. It was clear that her work had exceeded our expectations.

Which made me question how many of us do this. How many of us have the guts to stand up to our bosses and clients to ask for what we deserve? The thing is that we expect others to know how to show their appreciation towards us. But do they really know how we would like to be appreciated?

Self-Love Lesson Takeaways

1. I think it is a wonderful idea to undertake preventive measures to beat depression. Little Swallow decided that hers would be taking on part-time work as a tour guide. Amazingly, she even emerged as one of the top guides in her company.

Certainly, be in touch with the world, even if your decision is to be a stay-at-home parent. While you can make friends over Facebook, it is also a good idea to go out physically to make and meet people on a regular basis. Additionally, it is very important to establish good communication lines with your loved ones especially your spouse or partner.

2. The high rate of plastic surgery probably explains the high suicide rates too. It goes to show when there is too much emphasis on outward beauty, people are not discovering enough about themselves. As wise sage, Lao Tzu, said, “The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.”

Where there are stress triggers, it is easy to fall into depression. Luckily, there are some like Little Swallow who has the sense to accept herself, despite not having stellar looks and living in a society that prices picture-perfect looks.

3. Self-love is being able to ask for what we want. It pays to be direct. Beating around the bush may not lead us to receiving the thing we are hoping for. Hence, it is important to be clear in our asking. We may not necessarily get what we want but at least, we are closer to the mark.

I had gone to Korea because I wanted to visit a country for its beautiful sightseeing spots. However, I found very much more. There were so many factual things I learned about the country; but it is in Little Swallow that I discovered wisdom, grace and beauty.

Shine from the Soul always,
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Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.


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Share Your Thoughts

Any thoughts about loving yourself in the face of mounting pressure to look beautiful? Do you face the same pressures from where you come from? Also, how do you cope with the stress of living a fast paced modern life while trying to keep important cultural traditions alive?

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Evelyn

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below
Betsy at Zen Mama - February 6, 2012 Reply

What an amazing story! We travel a lot! We love art, architecture and discovering language and new foods. But often our best memories are the people that we meet and the little messages we receive almost as if from angels. A really beautiful story, Evelyn, that will give courage to those fighting depression. We live in a culture that wants to help more than hinder.

The story of clapping reminds me of a TED video called Just Say Thank You. It’s very short but you might want to watch.

PS Love the Lao Tzu quote!!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Betsy,

You have certainly made a great point that the best memories are people we meet. We love traveling and make it a point to do so every year. As I review my photo album, I know that what you have said is true.

Thank you for sharing with me about the video. I will certainly mark it down for watching!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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Jt Clough | Big Island Dog - February 6, 2012 Reply

I have been to Korea a couple of times. An amazing country. I remember be struck by the caliber of expectation in education, in drive, in what to become. There is certainly good in it. And as you point out there is much self love that needs to abound.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Jt,

It is great that you enjoyed Korea too. Other than “Little Swallow”, my experience with Korea was an extremely good one even with other people that I met. I will want to go back again as there is still so much to explore about the country. I also hope to find more instances of self-love.

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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Fran Sorin - February 6, 2012 Reply

Evelyn,
Little Swallow sounds like an extraordinary woman. It was meant to be that she came into your life.

I know South Korea as a highly productive society. I think I heard that they have the most cell phones per capita than any other country.

Thanks for writing such an informative article. It gives me an entirely new perspective on the country.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Fran,

I am happy to have met Little Swallow. I was humbled by her. Even though she does not profess to be an expert or a teacher, she has so much to share in terms of wisdom. Her everyday stories struck a cord with all of us on the tour bus.

I won’t be surprised to learn that they have the most cell phones per capita per country.

It is my pleasure to share the little I know 🙂

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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J.D. Meier - February 6, 2012 Reply

> when people cannot show their cool selves, thus leading to frustration and taking drastic actions
This is an incredibly powerful reminder of both the importance of emotional intelligence as well as learned helplessness — where Martin Seligman teaches us not to make bad events into permanent, personal, or pervasive stories we tell ourselves.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi J.D.,

You said, “where Martin Seligman teaches us not to make bad events into permanent, personal, or pervasive stories we tell ourselves.” I need to hear this reminder today!! Thanks!!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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Angela Artemis/Poweredbyintuition - February 7, 2012 Reply

Evelyn,
I learned so much from this post. I had no idea about the high suicide rate and plastic surgery rate in South Korea. I do think there is pressure too look our best in America but I don’t feel it is overwhelming. I love how much you learned from Little Swallow too. She embodied many of your self love lessons.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Angela,

I also knew very little about Korea before I went on the trip. It was eye-opening. We hope to travel more around the region in the coming years as there is so much left unexplored.

Oh yes, I have been wondering if from the perspective of anyone reading this post, the pressure to look beautiful is as bad from where he or she comes from. It’s great that you don’t find America as overwhelming.

Because of greater awareness, some of my recent trips now come with a broader perspective in terms of what I can learn. It used to be just facts but now it has extended to life lessons. I am truly fortunate to be able to gain so much from my trips.

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Melody | Deliberate Receiving - February 7, 2012 Reply

This was so beautiful Evelyn. I’ve never been to Korea, but used to do a lot of business with them, and I always enjoyed it. They were much more progressive and woman friendly than the Chinese, but they did describe the increasing pressure on young people and especially women to be “Western” including getting plastic surgery. I had no idea that the suicide rate was so high. That really surprises me.

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. Little Swallow’s lessons will touch a lot more people than she will probably ever know. 🙂

Huge hugs!
Melody

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Melody,

The Koreans can be very progressive in some aspects but yet, they can be traditional in others. Yes I agree, they are more progressive than the Chinese (from China). Being my first time in South Korea, it was an eye-opening trip for me too. I had no idea about the depression and suicide rates previously.

Hugs,
Evelyn

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Jason Fonceca Reply:

Hey Melody, fancy meeting you here!

I believe the suicide rate in Korea + Japan may related to their cultural repression of large chunks of emotion.

Suicide is an expression that is not easily repressed by culture, or influence, or emotion, or intervention or… anything 🙂

[Reply]

Vidya Sury - February 7, 2012 Reply

Such a heart-warming story. Thank you for sharing!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

You are welcome, Vidya!

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The Vizier - February 7, 2012 Reply

Hi Evelyn,

Thank you for sharing part of your trip to Korea with us. It sure sounds like you have learned a few things from Little Swallow. I think the part that stands out most for me is asking for acknowledgement each day. We all have the need to feel appreciated, but not many of us ask for it the way Little Swallow did. A little acknowledgement goes a long way in making people feel what they do is meaningful. I always make it a point to acknowledge people where I can.

I also agree that it is important to take preventive measures to beat depression. I am all for pre-empting a problem before it arises. And by expanding your network through working, it is easier to achieve that work life balance and at the same time, you are less vulnerable to depression. This in turn makes for a better family life because your emotional health is balanced.

Thank you for sharing this lovely article with us!

Irving the Vizier

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Irving,

Little Swallow asked for appreciation only after she had put in her best effort. She was not “pushy” in sales, and did not for the most part asked us to purchase Korean products. What she however did was to patiently provide us with factual information. She was very patient with our questions and showed that she cared for our well-being. Oh wow, this could make another article on my blog. Thank you for the idea!

You have certainly made a great point about pre-empting a problem. With a philosophy as such, it is great that you are doing yijing readings.

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Paige | simple mindfulness - February 8, 2012 Reply

What a beautiful story. Little Swallow sounds like an amazing woman.

Funny that, just today, a male friend asked me why the most beautiful women are the ones who don’t see themselves as beautiful. As long as they feel that they must measure up to a picture-perfect standard, they’ll never be happy with themselves.

The more I’ve learned to be myself and not hide behind personas, the happier I’ve become. It’s a constant practice to not fall back into wanting to look a certain way to certain people. Knowing that I’m OK just the way I am all the time is very liberating.

Thanks Evelyn!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Paige,

Little Swallow is an amazing woman.

I recall someone telling me that beauty brings about more problems too. I was told that beautiful women tend to have a harder time with feeling loved. I don’t think it is necessarily true because it all depends on the individual.

Good for you, Paige. I know what you mean about being strong on our own, without the need to conform or to get approval. Indeed, knowing that we are okay is self-acceptance that we must learn to have.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Jason Fonceca - February 9, 2012 Reply

A beautiful story about a beautiful woman. Thanks for this Evelyn 🙂

This ‘self-love’ thing might be going around more, Tara just posted this: http://theorganicsister.com/ways-to-love-yourself/

The crowd here might like it 🙂

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Thank you, Jason, for sharing.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

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Bryan Thompson - February 9, 2012 Reply

Evelyn, kind of reminds me of the old hymn, “His Eye is On the Sparrow.” I know, a little cheesy, but there’s a lot we can learn. First of all, I had no idea about S. Korea and plastic surgery. What a powerful wake-up call to self-love. Thanks for the compelling thought!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Bryan,

Most definitely that there is a lot we can learn.

Glad to share something that I have just found out myself 🙂

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Aileen | Kaizen Vision - February 9, 2012 Reply

” Self-love is being able to ask for what we want” Thank you Evelyn. You have a talent for making truths very clear. & you told me what I needed to know today. Thank you.

On another note: I had no idea Korea had such high rates for suicide and plastic surgery. I was surprised to read that. How courageous Little Swallow is to live her truth even when it’s not supported in the majority of her environment.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Aileen,

Glad to have been of help at an opportune time. Also, I enjoy sharing what I know. So I am more than happy to know that you have learned something from my post today.

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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