How to Love and Accept Yourself Even if You Feel Ugly

You may find it hard to love and accept yourself if you believe and feel that you are ugly. Hate to look at yourself in the mirror? Have challenges with attracting a soul mate or your dream job because you think that your looks is in the way?

Read on to find out how you can love and accept yourself anyway. I am updating this post with more tips as I am discovering that this is an issue that afflicts a number of the clients I have been working with.

Through this post, I hope to stress the importance of self-love despite having an appearance that you may perceive as “flawed”. When you have a negative perception about yourself, your self-confidence comes down. This ultimately affects your ability to achieve your highest potential and also with manifesting what you want in life.

In fact, you could be aware that how you look to yourself matters more than what other people are saying. Whether or not you are truly “ugly” can be an issue that is perceived or real. Some women can sweat over a mole or having wrinkle lines. Others may have features that could be deemed ugly by society’s standards. Whatever the case may be, you face difficulties with getting past your looks, no matter how others may assure you.

To Attract Love, Accept Yourself First

It was certainly that way for Ophelia. The darkened blemishes on her skin were obvious and could not be easily hidden with make-up. As a result, she would often develop trepidation before stepping out of her house. With stares directed at her from strangers, Ophelia felt extremely self-conscious.

When we started working together, I asked her what her dreams were.

Ophelia replied that while she had many desires, she had allowed her skin problems to hold her back from seizing more of life’s opportunities. For years, she had felt extremely miserable about not being able to attract her dreams. She had felt jealous and envious of her friends who seem to be way luckier than her in every aspect.

If there is one big desire, what she would really love is to have someone special in her life. Her issue was that she did not where to start on attracting a soul mate, due to concerns over her appearance. Well, I decided to share with her what I have learnt for myself….if you are in a similar situation, the same advice may be applicable to you too…

If you want others to love and accept you unconditionally regardless of appearance, you will need to embrace the parts of you that you have been rejecting.

When you embrace these parts about yourself, it does not mean that you don’t have to work on improving your appearance. You still do. Enhancing your looks via simple and natural ways can work wonders! Even, using make-up that have 100% chemical-free ingredients is a great way to go! (Anyone who needs more information on this, write to me to enquire on how you can get your hands on this!) Hence, you stop using products that will worsen the condition of your skin.

What embracing yourself means is that you stop criticizing and judging yourself about them, first of all. Don’t blame others for the situation you are in either. Instead, learn to love yourself unconditionally. Because you love yourself, you do what it takes to make yourself feel great.

To attract true love, you need to first embrace the parts that you have been rejecting inwards.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama XIV

Draw Inspiration from Role Models

Even if you insist that you fall under the “ugly” category by society standards, look to Lizzie Velasquez for inspiration. Lizzie makes an excellent role model to many young teenagers or insecure adults who grabble with self-love and acceptance issues when it comes to appearances. Cruel cyberbullies had made all kinds of nasty remarks to Lizzie about her appearance but she rose above them all.

“I find that when we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works.” Louise L. Hay

If you have not already watched the video on Lizzie’s inspirational talk, I encourage you to view it and learn to love and accept yourself…

Lizzie Velasquez has certainly done well for herself, wouldn’t you agree?

What If You Want to Undertake Invasive Measures to Alter Your Looks

Let’s say you are thinking of an invasive measure such as surgery. Plastic surgery is, after all, getting increasingly common. For instance, a vast majority of South Korean teenagers get a cosmetic plastic surgery as a sweet-sixteen birthday gift from their parents.

What is to know is that fixing your face may still NOT be able to solve the root cause of a low self-love. Sure, it can boost your confidence but it may not necessarily mean that you would love and accept yourself more. I shared more about the differences between self-love and self-esteem in my book, Self-Love Secrets. In fact, a severe lack of self-love can result in dire consequences such as depression or even suicide.

Recommendations To Love And Accept Yourself Unconditionally

1. Mirror Work

Stand in front of the mirror and embrace every blemish, mole or imperfect part about yourself. Love yourself by first affirming self-acceptance.

2. Work On Self-Love and Acceptance

If you believe that you are ugly, I highly recommend doing inner work, including a mirror exercise on a regular basis. Acknowledge but release the negative feelings you have towards the self.

3. Get Inspired Through Books and Role Models.

Learn from those who practice self-love such as Oprah. Alternatively, grab a copy of my book, Self-Love Secrets.

4. Be Around Positive and Loving People.

Being around people who are positive and loving helps. Find friends or communities that are supportive.

Self-Love And Acceptance is the Greatest Love of All

“I find that when we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works.” Louise L. Hay

There are plenty of benefits to loving yourself. An immediate result is that you will start to smile a lot more. And smiling does wonders by lighting your face and perking your energy up 🙂 At a deeper level, not forgetting, you are able to get to experience the beautiful source essence of who you-really-are; thus emitting a radiant authentic glow (just like Lizzie Velasquez).

If you want to attract love, you need to BE love. To put things simply, you cannot expect someone else to accept you fully when you can’t even accept yourself or how you look. Acceptance is the first step to practicing self-love.

As the famous lyrics sung by Whitney Houston goes, self-love is the greatest love of all. Indeed, my quality of life has improved drastically ever since I shifted from a place of non-acceptance to one of love for myself. Self-love has certainly paved the way to greater abundance for me! And I am pretty sure that it will be the same for you too!

I encourage you to celebrate “you” in every way. The greatest gratification does not come from having the perfect nose or flawless skin. Love is the best gift for the celebration of your authentic self! Love and accept yourself from within!

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim

Abundance Alchemy Coach

Related articles

1. How to Practice Loving Self-Acceptance

2. How to Free Yourself from Mixed Messages on Body Image

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Share your thoughts about self-acceptance in a society that has limiting conventional ideas about what beauty means.

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Elle - February 4, 2014 Reply

So true Evelyn and such an important factor in leading a wonderful life. One of my little habits is gratitude for my body, my health, my eyes and ears and all the little things that we rarely think about that go to make up the imperfectly perfect us. I celebrate you my friend. 🙂

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Evelyn Reply:
February 5th, 2014 at 10:34 am

Hello Elle,

Your habit is a great one! You make a good role model for us all!

With love and blessings,
Evelyn

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Cathy Taughinbaugh - February 4, 2014 Reply

Great reminder, Evelyn to love ourselves no matter what we look like. The video is so inspirational and a needed message that we can overcome our challenges and still live a great life. Thanks for sharing.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:
February 5th, 2014 at 10:40 am

Hello Cathy,

Oh yes, I found the video very inspirational. A great reminder to myself and all about accepting ourselves despite our “imperfections”.

Love and blessings,
Evelyn

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Stephen Anderson - February 7, 2014 Reply

Evelyn, its not just women who believe this false idea about themselves, I know plenty of men who are of the belief they are not good looking enough to attract a woman or even to be acceptable to anyone.

It is a difficult state of affairs and I am glad you are addressing this issue in a very upfront way. Thank you.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:
February 10th, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Hi Stephen,

Oh yes….although it is generally the women who struggle with the false idea, some men also have the same belief too.

I have struggled with the belief myself and so it has been my mission to spread the message on the importance of self-love.

Thank you for the work that you do too!

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Stephen Anderson Reply:
February 14th, 2014 at 4:03 am

I like the quote you started this post with. Maybe I don’t always succeed at that 100% of the time, but starting with that idea makes the days much better.

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Jeremy - February 11, 2014 Reply

I know and admit I may be below average (or ugly). But I know what I’m worth. And I’m worth so much more than what people see on the outside. I don’t resort to tricks like staring in the mirror and telling myself I’m hot, when I know I’m not.

Lizzie has true beauty in her. But she is ugly and will probably be ugly forever.

“a vast majority of South Korean teenagers get a cosmetic plastic surgery as a sweet-sixteen birthday gift from their parents.” ==> I honestly think this is a tragedy, the kind of values they are instilling in their kids.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:
February 13th, 2014 at 3:09 pm

Hello Jeremy,

Mirror work is not a trick. It certainly does not entail lying to oneself.

For many people, they find it hard to even look at themselves in the mirror. Hence, it becomes a helpful practice to see themselves in the eye and learn to accept every flaw or imperfection.

Let’s accept that what could work for them may not be useful for you.

However, it is great that you are able to reach a level of self-acceptance and esteem. These are all important for unconditional self-love.

Yes, I think it is sad that teenagers are taught a set of values that emphasise on the exterior. Hopefully with greater awareness via the internet, they will be able to learn that they are worthy of being loved – irrespective of appearance.

Blessings,
Evelyn

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