How to Handle the Serial Drama Queen In Your Life

“I teach people that no matter what the situation is, no matter how chaotic, no matter how much drama is around you, you can heal by your presence if you just stay within your center.” – Deepak Chopra

drama queen

Drama queens are those with the regular habit of blowing things out of proportion. Drama queens angst over the tiniest of details, makes a big deal and strives to get the attention of people around. Note that the tendency to create a scene is not limited to females alone. There can be drama queens, there can also be drama kings. Know of a friend or colleague who is one?

Using tears as her weapon, the drama queen is great with wrenching your heartstring. She has an insatiable hunger for attention. Not a day goes by without her trying to draw you in with some imaginary near-death experience.

Somehow, the drama queen believes that she owns your auric space. She intrudes without apology or hesitation. Your heart starts to pound every time you realize that she is calling you on your hand phone. Needing immediate attention, she calls you repeatedly. In many situations, you have felt compelled to set aside your other tasks in order to respond to her urgent requests for rescue.

The drama queen often views herself as a victim. She feels wounded. So she has a habit of apportioning blame. She gets into explosive outbursts when she feels threatened. She has no qualms about making it known how hurt she feels. In the process, you experience guilt, anger and frustration.

Drama Queen Archetype and Stories

What is interesting to know is that we all have drama queen (or king) archetypal qualities. According to best-selling author Caroline Myss, drama queens use “dramatics as a language of authority and power. Drama is their way of expressing even the slightest emotional need. For the Drama Queen, life itself is a dramatic adventure and without drama, the world feels flat, boring, and motionless.”

I am embarrassed to admit to having played the drama queen card. On reflection, it happened during a period when I was feeling insecure. I was starving for love and had thought that I could get love from the outside. Gradually and luckily, my antics came to a stop.

The change was part of a growing-up realization that using drama to bind others may make the ego triumphant for a while, but that feeling of success fizzles out. Each episode usually leaves a bitter aftertaste. Invariably, I would be left with an empty feeling that I have not truly won. It was time to do things differently if I wanted to attract more loving relationships.

At first, I had thought that life would become more boring from losing the drama. On the contrary, I discovered something more. Over the years, I began to appreciate the quintessential qualities of sublime peace. There is magic in the new experience of be-ing.

My friend, Andy, shared about his work-life with me one day. He has a female boss with strong drama queen archetypal patterns. He has worked for her for years. However, over coffee one day, he confessed to reaching the limit of his tolerance. He shared that his boss has been getting into emotional fits regularly in the office. My guess is that Andy was able to hang on for that long because he happens to be a loyal, patient and understanding person. We agreed that it would help if her boss could learn how to better master her emotions.

How to Deal with Drama Queens

“So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.” – Ellen DeGeneres

So what happens if you know someone with drama queen traits? What can you do? Here are some tips:

Avoid Getting Drawn Into The Drama. Drama queens crave for attention. They enjoy staging plays that feed into their life. Avoid getting drawn into the emotional content of their sob-sob stories.

Gain Understanding. There is a probable reason why serial drama queens react this way. Look into childhood traumas for some answers. A drama queen is likely to have felt abandonment or rejection when she was young. Gaining an understanding does not mean that you put up with her behavior but it helps you to handle your relationship with greater insight.

Establish Clear Personal Boundaries. You need to set clear boundaries. Lay down some guidelines. You would not want the drama queen to keep distracting you from your focus. Be sure to firmly but gently follow through on the guidelines.

Cut the Binding. If the drama queen is just a friend, you may want to consider calling it quits. It can be too draining .You can also reduce the hold the drama queen has over you by cutting the energetic cord that binds the both of you. The cord cutting exercise can be done with visualization. It works!

Avoid Attracting Drama. This tip is not so much about handling a drama queen but to flag out a note of reflection for you. Ask yourself: Do you constantly attract drama queens into your life?

If the answer is yes, think about whether you have a habit of being drawn to stories or accounts that are excessively dramatic. Maybe it is time to change your habits. Avoid tabloid news, for instance. Or maybe it is time to put your foot down and let go of the friend who refuses to change from being such a drama queen. Thereafter, observe if you attract fewer drama queens into your life.

Drama Queen: Creating Awareness

The root cause is probably a case of low self-love and esteem. The drama queen needs a high level of attention to validate her sense of worth. Except that she is going about things in the wrong way. Trying to get negative attention is hardly a wise way to gain entry into anybody’s heart.

What is important to realize is that no one is born being a drama queen. Neither is it an afflicted disease or medical condition. Should we reflect on it, a character trait or behavior of a drama queen is not something that is part of anyone’s genes. Hence, I believe that it is possible for someone to change her propensity for dramas.

However, change can only happen with greater self-awareness. If the drama queen continues to persist in her ways, then avoid allowing her to affect you for far too long. Always shield yourself from people who drain your energy. Where appropriate, you can always come together again when she no longer plays her life out like a soap opera.

Love and abundance always,

evelyn lim signature

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

Share About Your Experience

Know of anyone who is a serial drama queen? How have you been handling your relationship with one? Share your story and tips below.

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Razwama - May 28, 2013 Reply

Evelyn – it takes a lot of effort not to get sucked into the drama! And to be able to recognise it. Some drama queens make it very subtle – no dramatic hand gestures or screeching of any kind. Just a lot of noise over nothing.

There is only so much empathy to go round! But patience is a must !

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Evelyn Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 9:58 am

Hello Razwama,

I like how you have described it: just a lot of noise over nothing…LOL! Yes to patience!

Love and Abundance Always,
Evelyn

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Vishnu - May 29, 2013 Reply

Not getting drawn into the drama is important but it takes a lot out of us not to do that. Any simple statement or off the topic remark could provoke the person:) But not engaging with them is probably best and doesn’t encourage them to keep playing up the drama. The more we engage them sometimes, the more dramatic the situation gets.

In your friend’s case, he probably keeps a very low profile or tries to stay far out of the drama at work?

There is a great place for drama queens to succeed and thrive: reality tv:) and soap operas!

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Evelyn Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 10:02 am

Hello Vishnu,

I believe that my friend is wise enough to stay out out of the drama and navigate his way. Still, it does not mean that he is not in the least affected what is going on in his environment.

Oh yes reality TV LOL! It’s true, the more we engage, the worse things get. It is best to maintain a helicopter view and gain some clarity over what is truly going on.

Ablundance Always,
Evelyn

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Harleena Singh - May 29, 2013 Reply

Hi Evelyn,

Nice post indeed 🙂

It brought back good old memories of the time when we were in school and we did play a small role, where another girl was made the drama queen. She quite a bit had to show her shades of varying nature, and she did pretty well.

Now after so many years, when I sit back and think, we do come across such drama queens all around us. Some of them portray to be someone else, while others try copying another persons behavior or feel that if they did that, it would make them more visible and valued in people’s eyes, though that never happens.

I would suggest to keep away from such drama queens as they might just take you in their act before you know it. Yes, if such a person is your friend, it’s a different case as then perhaps you should try to make them understand things, though it’s easier said than done.

Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂

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Evelyn - May 30, 2013 Reply

Hello Jarleena,

Thanks for sharing about your school days 🙂

Reading your comment made me reflect on how true it is that there is a spectrum to drama queens. For some, their qualities come across more strongly. Perhaps the degree of melodrama is related to the individual’s sense of self-worth.

Things can be even more challenging if a family member plays the drama queen on a consistent basis. The relationships with the rest of the family can be affected as a result.

Thank you! You have a great week too 🙂

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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BB - January 27, 2014 Reply

I often get myself sucked into dramas online, and I’ll be upset for a few days and won’t be able to focus on my work or other things in my life. I tend to avoid drama queens for this reason. But, despite my efforts, it happened just this week.

I already had a lot of stress in my life, because I was injured in a car accident and just found out my 8 month old puppy has hip dysplasia and will need costly surgery. I shared this info on my Facebook wall with family and friends, because I needed their support. Well, a casual Facebook friend, who seems a little overly emotional and has no personal interest in the matter, wrote me no fewer than 50 personal messages on FB, drawing me into a drama she built about the breeder. Already angry about my pup having hip dysplasia and the breeder’s unwillingness to help with the veterinary bills, I said things I shouldn’t have said, which could get back to the breeder and cause more conflict between us. I also lost a whole day of work.

I’m justifiably right in being angry at the breeder–I don’t think she’s reputable–but this drama queen made it all so much worse and nearly convinced me to turn the breeder in to the authorities. Looking back, I can’t figure out why she even got into it. Obviously, she knew it was a very emotional time for me and purposely drew me in in order to manipulate me and get attention for herself. For me, this was the first time that a drama queen has done this using my problem rather than her own.

I feel like I attract Drama Queens, because they see me as “nice.”

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Asha - August 9, 2015 Reply

i have had many emotional outbursts, all my life i have fought with all that you have said being aware of the emotional status i was in…i am spiritual..i could see my short comings, how my own son suffered by my behaviour. i decide to turn around and take my responsibility. I have taken control of myself…there was drama in finding anything and everything possible. Even my keys….anything…things now are not intimidating…its better…getting better by the day

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Richard - September 9, 2015 Reply

I too am guilty of inviting these kinds of folks into my life. From reading this article oi am beginning to come to grips that I am a Drama Person. We attract what we seek and man do I attract some doozies, I know I need to change inside in order to attract healthy folks into my life. So all of this being said it is time for me to change and stop expecting the world to change for me.

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