How to Get Over the Fear of Aging

“I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and… I believe in miracles.” – Audrey Hepburn

We live in a society that values looks and youth. And so as we mature past our 30s, then 40s and 50s, we can start to face the fear of aging. I believe that females feel the fear even more. The fear of aging can be like a looming dark cloud that drives us to irrational behavior such as undergoing multiple plastic surgery jobs to tighten sagging skin.

Have not resorted to the extreme with invasive procedures yourself?

Well, if you lie about your age or have problems filling up the age-field in survey forms, then it is possible that you have a fear about getting old too.

It will be nice to be physically attractive with no signs of age till the day we die. However, Father Time is not known to be kind in this respect. Sometimes, it can be hard to decide whether certain fashion magazines are really helping us boost our confidence or to shred it down by playing up some of our fears on aging.

The Perfect Dress That Will Hide Signs of Age?

The past few weeks highlighted my concerns about aging. I was shopping for something formal to wear for my brother’s wedding (he got married yesterday). It has been a long time since there was a special occasion to dress up for and at first, I thought it would be fun to get something new. Well, ten fitting sessions later, I still could not decide what I wanted to wear. I found myself getting flustered. Shopping was taking much longer than I had expected it to take.

Gradually, it hit me. I wanted to know that I could still carry off the Perfect Dress at my age, stubborn belly flab (after giving birth to two kids), pigmented spots and all. (If you have been shopping lately, you will realize that clothes mostly cater to those are young, sexy, slim and tall). The search was beginning to look like a massive hunt.

At first, I felt ridiculous that I could be so frivolous. Shouldn’t daily meditation help me to see that things like the Perfect Dress or looking phenomenal past-a-certain-age do not matter any more? Wouldn’t it be more important to focus on exercise and therefore looking radiant?

Well, it did not quite happen that way. I felt irritated by the ego’s ridiculous desire to hop onto the bus for a shopping spree every afternoon.

Luckily, I knew enough to allow myself room to-be, yet reining in my ego with a practical side to things. And so, I allowed myself time to look for the dress that would not blow my budget, that I am likely to wear again and that my husband thinks I look fabulous in :-). I also received wonderful suggestions from fashion-forward girlfriends who know all about playing to strengths with the “right” (and not necessarily, “perfect”) dress – thanks ladies: Sherrilyn and Ai Nee!

Think Fabulous (Not Frumpty)

While writing this article, I decided to work on my beliefs and emotions regarding my fear further. I realized that the fear of aging is not limited to the fear of no longer being physically attractive alone.

The fear of aging can also be related to a bunch of concerns such as
– the fear of losing your job,
– losing your spouse to death,
– losing your spouse to someone else younger,
– deteriorating health,
– diminishing mental clarity,
– menopause,
– no longer able to contribute productively to society,
– not having adequate savings due to loss in job,
– loss of sexual libido,
and so on.

CEO and founder of Age Wave, a company that provides consulting services relating to aging populations, Ken Dychtwald provides an illuminating insight into what our thoughts are. He identifies seven signs that seem to be true of both those who fear aging:
– If young is good, then old is bad.
– If the young have it all, the old are losing it.
– If the young are creative, the old are dull.
– If the young are beautiful then the old are unattractive.
– If the young are stimulating, then the old are boring.
– If the young are full of passion, then the old are beyond caring.
– If the children are tomorrow, the old represent yesterday.

So if you strongly associate the young with being fabulous, you may find it hard to see yourself as being fabulous after forty. Instead, you could be seeing yourself as becoming frumpy after turning forty or fifty!

Stop the Struggle

I acknowledge that as long as I am in this time-based reality, my body will show the signs of aging. I now make the intent to not struggle over something that is beyond my control. Yes, there can be ways to slow the aging process down but death (thus, resulting in the symptoms on aging) is something that is unavoidable. However, it will be silly to allow the fear of going downhill in physical appearance get to me. As we all know, creating unnecessary stress can make anyone age much faster.

So I choose to ease into the awareness that I am more than just the human body that my spirit now resides. As awareness, I observe myself. I also allow my ego some space to play and evolve in the spiritual classroom on Earth. I am at peace with myself, even though there will be times when I feel the need to shop for the Perfect Dress. (I am beginning to agree with my girlfriends that the Perfect Dress for any occasion is but a myth concocted by fashion houses….that keeps us in the search….but never finding it.)

Shift into Self-Acceptance

A willingness to shift into self-acceptance opens the door to grace. We learn to grow old gracefully and with poise.

Here are some affirming statements that I came up for myself. If you have difficulties coping with the idea that you are getting old, work with these affirmations (for extra power, use the affirmations together with the Emotional Freedom Technique):

I am willing to accept that I am no longer in my _______________ (20s, 30s, 40s. 50s and so on).
I am willing to accept that I have started growing strands of white hair.
I am willing to accept the crow’s feet, the tell-tale signs of wrinkles behind my eyes, whenever I smile.
I am willing to accept the aging brown spots that have recently appeared on my face and body.
I am willing to accept that my skin has already begun to loose its firmness with time.

Adopt a Healthy Lifestyle

A willingness to accept does not mean that we do nothing that can help us feel or look better. For instance, we may decide to dye our hair blonde, use moisturizing sun-protection face cream, and so on. Better yet, we decide to learn stress-reducing practices or techniques that can help slow down the aging process. Take up tai chi or qigong for instance.

Needless to say, having a balanced and an active lifestyle is a great idea. Adopt a more healthy diet that focuses on fruits and vegetables, exercise, and meditate. Learn to be child-like (and not childish) by playing with children.

Redefine Beauty and Beliefs

I don’t think getting Botox injections is the answer to looking young. You may just end up with a stiff face. In fact, I recommend the opposite: smiling and laughing. A more joyful attitude gives you a youthful appearance – Guaranteed.

According to a survey on attitudes, it seems that those in the age bracket 50 to 64 are the most optimistic about aging. So could it be that it is common to go through years of lying and being in denial before we finally accept that we are aging, which happens when we hit 50 or more?

Whatever it is, attitude counts. With a positive attitude, you redefine what beauty means. Many people would like to think that with age, comes wisdom. But it is not necessarily true. There are many elderly folks who continue to bitch and grumble.

A healthy perspective adds a luminous shine to being fabulous. Let’s learn from the iconic beauty, Audrey Hepburn. Here are more of my favorite quotes by her….

Let’s continue to remind ourselves that we are beautiful, no matter what our ego wants us to believe. Let our inner beauty shine!

Shine from the Soul Always,

Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.

P.S. Learn more about self-love and acceptance here.

Related articles on Self-Acceptance

1. Develop Self-Acceptance: The Secret to Everlasting Beauty

2. How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection

Share About Your Fear of Aging

Let’s hear it from you. Do you have a fear of aging? How have you been addressing your fear?

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