How Money Triggers Impact Your Relationship

“When two people love each other and can’t make it work, that’s the real tragedy.” Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Watching the movie – Gone Girl – over the weekend prompted me to finish this article, which I had begun writing a while back. In the movie, Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike, both of who acted as a couple, put up stellar performances. The film, based on a best-selling novel by Gillian Flynn, was engaging, riveting, suspenseful, and disturbing. It made me reflect on how money issues can trigger off reactions that cause a relationship to deteriorate so badly.

As much as a relationship breakdown can bring about financial issues, the reverse is also true. Reportedly, one of the major factors leading to a divorce is brought about by money problems. Differences in money management styles and financial attitudes can bring about conflict in a couple. You are likely to build frustration if you experience constant worries about not having enough money to meet expenses or to build savings and then blaming the other partner for not doing his or her part.

A Typical Love Story

The stories of our lives often follow common patterns. If your love story is a typical one, it is likely that your relationship started off rosy. You were very much in love. There were the stolen glances, the walks by the beach and eventually…..your first kiss. It might even seem as if the courtship phase in your relationship came to life from the pages of a modern fairy tale.

During the dating period, you presented a self that you thought would be attractive to the other partner. It was your best self. Your partner did the same too. Naturally, you felt as if you have met your soul mate.

“There’s a difference between really loving someone and loving the idea of her.”- Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

“I often don’t say things out loud, even when I should. I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree: In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear, but you’d never guess from looking at me.” – Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Well, your desire to be together culminated in a legal union soon. However, problems often start once the reality of being in a committed relationship sets in. It is when the false masks come off and you become acutely aware of how a turnoff your partner can be. Not only that, your partner appears to have an inept ability in drawing out the ugly side of you too.

One area where all the ugliness comes to fore is in the area of money. Money triggers set off alarm bells. New challenges affecting joint income can emerge when there is a change in the financial situation (such as, a downturn in the economy or a job retrenchment).

If left unaddressed, the frustration builds into resentment. Eventually, you could start to pick on faults that are not even related to finance, about your partner. Where you used to celebrate your differences, it may be the same differences that irk you now. (This was what happened to a friend of mine. Triggered by money issues, her marriage ended in divorce.)

You don’t need to be married to experience the impact of money on your relationship, in fact. You could be dating or living with a partner, for instance. You will start noticing your partner’s spending habits, whether he is responsible about money matters and whether you would like to spend the rest of your life with him; given his less-than-impressive financial income and/or prospects.

Recommendation: Address Core Issues

If you are indeed in a conflict situation with your partner over money issues, it is important to confront the core issues. There is no doubt that a relationship needs work. You need to realize that both of you play a part in how things have turned out.

Should the financial situation be dire, realize that both parties have brought their individual financial history into the relationship together. Your current attitudes, behavior and responses regarding money come from the values and beliefs that you have been brought up with and adopted. Hence, not just the outer work of improving communication, cultivating a loving relationship and better financial management, it is inner work that has to be done.

For inner work, address the root cause of your money story. Healing the emotional patterns of your story that is often mired in the past can help improve the relationship you have with the self, with money and with your partner. If you are reading this article up to this point, chances are you may find yourself more ready to start the healing process as compared to your partner. While it will be wonderful to start the healing process together, you do not have to wait for your partner to begin at the same time.

It all seems like hard work. You may even think it not worth your time and effort. However, when you are able to let go of the past, you start to experience freedom, joy and well-being. You also find your financial situation improving because you have repaired your wounded money story. The secret behind this being: the relationship with your partner and your relationship with money are governed by the same energy center (being the sacral chakra).

Hopefully, reading this article can act as a catalyst for decisive action. Let yourself be the change first. Giving yourself the permission for healing may just be what you need to improve your relationship. Start here, right now.

Love and abundance always,

Abundance Alchemy Coach

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