[Client Story] How Felicia Addressed Her Fear of Abandonment
Felicia (not her real name) and I had worked together on releasing her fear of abandonment.
If we find ourselves getting angry, frustrated, anxious or upset easily, we may want to ask ourselves why we are triggered. Some of us would get badly triggered when we perceive that we have been abandoned or rejected even though in reality, it may not be necessarily true. However, this can hurt our relationships, work life and well-being. It was exactly what had happened to Felicia.
Her Background
Felicia is a single mom in her late 40s, with two teenage kids and based in Canada. She first approached me for help to work on her insecurity issues.
Felicia had previously worked with a therapist and another counsellor some years ago. This had happened after her divorce. Her ex was someone who was constantly triggering her insecurity issues. They also divorced because she could not trust him.
From working with her therapist back then, Felicia felt that while she had gained some awareness about her root issues, she did not experience much of a change. Her observation was that she continued to experience deep insecurity about herself. She is constantly comparing her own performance against others and feeling lousy about herself.
From working with her therapist back then, Felicia felt that while she had gained some awareness about her root issues, she did not experience much of a change. Her observation was that she continued to experience deep insecurity about herself. She is constantly comparing her own performance against others and feeling lousy about herself.
Felicia also realised that she was getting tired of feeling distrustful, suspicious and negative all the time. She has had no idea on how to start feeling more positive. It’s also why she decided to approach me for help in emotional healing.
What Was It Like to Be Constantly Triggered
Felicia could be triggered in just about anything big or small.
She could be triggered in situations such as, someone not showing up for an appointment, a customer service rep not returning her call promptly etc.
Whenever her fears were being triggered, she would go “crazy”, behave like a “bully” and her reactions would be out of proportion. As soon as she had cooled down, she would start to feel very guilty about her behaviour. She also felt as if she needed to overreact every time in order to get what she wanted. The said descriptions were exactly how she put them.
She could be triggered in situations such as, someone not showing up for an appointment, a customer service rep not returning her call promptly etc.
Whenever her fears were being triggered, she would go “crazy”, behave like a “bully” and her reactions would be out of proportion. As soon as she had cooled down, she would start to feel very guilty about her behaviour. She also felt as if she needed to overreact every time in order to get what she wanted. The said descriptions were exactly how she put them.
As Felicia reflected on the root cause to her triggers, she realised that it’s her fear of abandonment that was constantly being activated.
I shared with Felicia that she appears to have an insecure attachment style and that having the fear of abandonment can also be self-fulfilling. Already Felicia was experiencing many similar repeated patterns. Fortunately, it is possible to release old patterns that was causing her repeated sabotage and to address her deep insecurity.
What Arose During Our Session: Fear of Abandonment
Through our session together, we found out that Felicia’s abandonment issues were rooted in childhood.
Her fear arose as dad would often throw an explosive fit, turn the room upside down and then leave home abruptly.
Her fear arose as dad would often throw an explosive fit, turn the room upside down and then leave home abruptly.
He was having bad anger issues back then. His fits would happen again and again. Each time he left the house, he went for a walk to cool down. However, while he was away, she had no idea whether he would return each time. His absence was deeply felt. Her mother would worry obsessively if he would do something drastic that would turn out bad.
Her younger self also took on her mother’s stress and bought into some of her beliefs that “life is hard” and money is going to be a concern with dad having medical health problems.
Well, we worked on releasing the feeling of abandonment experienced by her younger self whenever he decided to leave for his walk. Also we released any abandonment trauma that “belonged” to her mother.
We also worked on inner child self-love healing; specifically, clearing any past trauma from experiencing dad’s frenzy when he wasn’t getting his way.
We also worked on inner child self-love healing; specifically, clearing any past trauma from experiencing dad’s frenzy when he wasn’t getting his way.
Essentially, we had worked on calming her sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response), so that she would not get caught in the same reactive patterns today. She began to see how she was responding in similar patterns of “frenzy” even as an adult.
Finally, we integrated an energetic vibrational picture of peace, and serenity into her body and energy system.
(This is a crucial step that is often missed out by other forms of therapy – from an energy perspective, we need to work on not just healing the past but embedding the vibrational energy that supports manifesting what we do want.)
(This is a crucial step that is often missed out by other forms of therapy – from an energy perspective, we need to work on not just healing the past but embedding the vibrational energy that supports manifesting what we do want.)
From Fear of Abandonment to Freedom
Felicia reported to feeling lighter, more at ease and secure about herself from the session. We continue to work on reprogramming her mind with a set of empowering beliefs. She is also learning how to apply coping strategies in order to calm herself quickly.
Less fearful, she is learning how to trust herself, the people around and life.
Do You Have the Fear of Abandonment?
If you get angry, frustrated, anxious or upset easily, you may want to ask yourself what your underlying fear is about.
Reflect on whether your emotional triggers could be related to a fear of abandonment. Ask yourself the following…
Do you often experience a gap, emptiness or void in your heart?Is abandonment or a fear of abandonment a repeated theme in your life? Were you ever “abandoned” by your parents or caregivers when you were young?If you have got specific past memories that could cause you to create the fear of abandonment, consider doing some emotional healing work to release the trauma.
Healing Our Abandonment Wounds
Fortunately, even though such issues are usually rooted in the past, our wounds can be healed. By reconnecting with our younger self, we are learning about not abandoning ourselves. Instead, we are reclaiming the lost and forgotten parts of ourselves and integrating into wholeness. Self-love healing is the best thing that we can do for ourselves.
Healing abandonment wounds involve drawing on a combination of energy healing and belief change techniques, in order to bring about changes in the mind, body and spirit.
As I have discovered, addressing abandonment, neglect or rejection issues can go a long way to manifesting more love, peace and wellness into our life.
Apply for a discovery call with me here, if you are interested to work together.
Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim
Self-Love Healing Specialist
Abundance Coach
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