Demi Moore: Lessons On Self-Love
“What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out that at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me…and that I wasn’t wanted in the first place.” – Demi Moore
In a recent interview on the February edition of Harper’s Bazaar Magazine, Demi Moore shared that her worst fear is finding out that she is not being loved. Demi has just ended her six-year marriage to actor Ashton Kutcher. It was her third marriage.
Demi is someone who is seemingly accomplished and blessed. You have seen her act in Ghost, A Few Good Men and Indecent Proposal. According to one report, she was the highest paid actress in Hollywood in the 90s. She was also once married to Bruce Willis. Through the years, she has appeared in various magazines looking radiant in gorgeous gowns on red carpet events. She even managed to capture Ashton’s heart, a heartthrob 16-years her junior.
You might have perhaps thought that one of the most beautiful looking actresses on this planet would have little issues with self-love and insecurity. However, in the recent interview, Demi was very forthcoming in her share of unworthiness and feeling unlovable.
What a wonderful opportunity she has given me! I cannot resist taking the chance to look into aspects of self-love, using her history and recent interview as a case study. Incidentally, almost word-for-word of what she said in the interview, was covered in my book, Self-Love Secrets. Please note that this article was not written with her endorsement. The following thoughts are simply my own evaluations and personal thoughts.
Theme of Abandonment
Demi is probably reliving her memories of abandonment in her recent divorce situation. During the interview, she talked about feeling unwanted. As a child, she had a difficult and unstable home life. Her biological father left her mother, after a two-month marriage, before Moore was born. Her stepfather and her mother were both alcoholics who often fought. During her childhood, they changed homes a total of 40 times due to the frequent job changes of her stepfather.
I have found that those who experienced abandonment when they are young often suffer from insufficient self-love. They may have coped as a child but only to revisit the same abandonment issue as an adult. The old wounds would surface. The core issue of feeling unlovable needs to be resolved if you are to move on.
Being abandoned is a psychological threat to survival. You believe that you are exposed to danger. Feeling alone and panic-stricken, you believe that you do not have what it takes to thrive in the world. It is also when you realize that material possessions do not count as much as love. Love is the most important ingredient to your existence.
Self-Rejection: “Fundamentally Flawed”
Demi’s exact words were “fundamentally flawed”, a term that I have referred in Self-Love Secrets on cases of self-rejection. She is identifying with her ego more than being conscious that she is of the spirit. She is the ego, believing that she is rejected due to being imperfect. She perceives through the lens of fear, rather than of love.
To believe and feel that you are fundamentally flawed means that you are in rejection of your entire being. It happens when you question the whole value of your presence. You believe that nothing you ever do turns out right. It is likely that as a child, you are not seen for who you are. And so you developed the belief that you are never “good enough”.
“Non self-acceptance puts you in rejection. You believe that you are fundamentally flawed. You are convinced that there is something inherently wrong with or missing in you. You are painfully aware about not feeling whole. Self-rejection happens when you are unable to accept yourself fully and unconditionally. And so you seek to diminish your own value. You feel unworthy.”
– Self-Love Secrets: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally
Body Image Issues
In the same interview, Demi also shared about her “love-hate” relationship with her body. Thus, it is obvious that she has had poor body image issues. An investigation of your bio revealed this. As a child, she suffered from cross-eye and had to wear an eye-path before her eyes were successfully corrected by two surgeries. What is great to hear is that she is learning some self-acceptance.
Demi Moore said, “When I’m at greatest odds with my body, it’s usually because I feel that my body’s betraying me, whether that’s been in the past, struggling with my weight and feeling that I couldn’t eat what I wanted to eat, or that I couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted it to do. I think I sit today in a place of greater acceptance of my body, and that includes not just my weight but also all of the things that come with your changing body as you age.”
In my book, Self-Love Secrets, I shared about the dangers of eating disorders tied with issues of low self-worthiness. It is important to be aware that no one, or few in the world, has a perfect body. Also, no one can exempt himself or herself from aging. Thus, it is far better to learn about accepting all of your body imperfection and growing old gracefully.
The Root Cause: Insufficient Self-Love
All in, insufficient self-love can lead to problems in many aspects of your life. Demi is beautiful and successful but she faces deep security issues. She may look confident but inside, there is a sense of hollowness. The hollowness is evident when she expressed her fears about not being lovable and unworthy of being loved.
(In Self-Love Secrets, I share about the difference between confidence and self-esteem. It is possible for someone to show great confidence on the outside but suffer an extreme lack of love internally. Hence, please understand the distinction. )
Demi Moore joins a number of celebrities who have shared about learning to love themselves. Other celebrities include Lady Gaga, Oprah Winfrey, Portia de Rossi, Tyler Perry and Ricky Martin. They revealed about their issues with self-esteem, body image and acceptance. Thousands of fans have resonated with these stories.
Most of us have the same issues too. After receiving 1,000 emails and more from readers around the world, I have found out that self-love cuts across religions, sex, nationality, qualifications, or even how beautiful or successful you already are. In fact, I have come upon the realization that insufficient self-love is a root cause for the many issues that people face.
So do yourself a favor, in you are hoping to attain greater well-being. Learn to love yourself unconditionally. No matter where you are right now, you will ultimately discover that loving yourself is very much a spiritual journey that lasts your entire lifetime. If you need to know more, click over here for Self-Love Secrets.
Shine from the Soul,
Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.
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Share Your Thoughts
What thoughts do you have regarding celebrities and their issues on worthiness and self-love? Do you think that they have greater insecurity fears because they need to look good in public all the time?
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Evelyn Reply:
January 9th, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Hi Kelly,
It is always nice when an old friend comes to visit. I’m happy to see you here 🙂
Those who say that they are done with self-love are mistaken. In my findings, I realize that a vast majority of us continue to have issues. It’s a matter of extent no doubt. Self-love is pretty much a journey that takes you deeper into yourself with greater awareness and living into its meaning.
I won’t say that it is a strain that just can’t be erased. For me, I don’t think about whether I will ever reach the point when I am 100% in healthy self-love. Instead, I address my issues as they come up.
I am of the belief that where there is doubt, there is some limiting subconscious thought that is yet to be resolved. It is not obvious. That is why it feels as if we have understood that we must love ourselves but yet in reality, we continue to sabotage ourselves. So there is work that is yet unfinished.
I can understand your views and doubt of ever reaching “there”. I share the same feelings of pain sometimes. However, I would like to think that deepest self-love happens with attaining enlightenment. It is where you are led spiritually back home to the essence of who you are. In that space, there is no more fear; only love.
I am of course not there yet. Nor do I really harbor a wish to reach enlightenment per se. For in that wanting lies suffering.
I look forward to seeing you around. Let’s continue to share and exchange our views.
With love,
Evelyn
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