How to Connect with Your Inner Child: Words for Healing
When connecting with our inner child for the first time, we may feel at a loss about what to say or what to do. It’s possible that we feel weird because it is as if we are talking to ourselves. After all, our inner child exists in the mind and no one else can see her (or him) but us. Also, what words can we use to support healing?
According to psychologists, our inner child is described as the hidden part of our personality that is characterised by playfulness, spontaneity, and creativity usually accompanied by anger, hurt, and fear attributable to childhood experiences.
Through our mind’s eye, we connect with our inner self from tracing back to our earliest memory on when we felt the same (negative) way. We get a sense of how old our younger self was and the situation she was in. She may be our 3-year old, 6 year-old or whatever age and she is holding on to hurt, anger, helplessness or any unresolved need. It is when we (our adult self) enter the memory to meet her.
Next, we may encounter the situation of not knowing what to say to her. We have grown in chronological age but we could have left her behind. In fact, I’ve observed how emotional it can be when we do inner child work for the first time. It was that way for me too. The great news is that once we start healing, we gain a sense of well-being like never before.
[Client Story] How Felicia Addressed Her Fear of Abandonment
Felicia (not her real name) and I had worked together on releasing her fear of abandonment.
If we find ourselves getting angry, frustrated, anxious or upset easily, we may want to ask ourselves why we are triggered. Some of us would get badly triggered when we perceive that we have been abandoned or rejected even though in reality, it may not be necessarily true. However, this can hurt our relationships, work life and well-being. It was exactly what had happened to Felicia.
How Childhood Emotional Neglect Affects Our Mental Health
We tend to pay little regard to any form of emotional neglect that we’ve experienced as a child. After all, it is not as if that we had faced a real survival threat. Nor were we physically abandoned or abused either. So it would seem unthinkable to even imagine that there can be any sort of trauma related to emotional neglect.
Therein lies where the problem is.
Because it did not cross our minds that a lack of self-esteem or our struggles with anxiety and mental health could be contributed by the emotional neglect that we had experienced when we were young, we don’t seek help or therapy for our issues. In fact, we usually perceive that seeking help from professionals as only warranted for major traumas. Sure, problems caused by emotional neglect may be less serious than say, a case of torture or abuse. However, emotional neglect can also cause problematic wounds when we bury them deep in our psyche.
So, here’s what I eventually discovered…
Emotional neglect can inflict invisible wounds, even in the absence of any physical signs of abuse.
Self-Love Healing: 7 Signs that Your Inner Child Needs Help
How to recognise that you need self-love healing to address the needs of your inner child?
Or if your current struggles are connected to a wounded inner child?
According to psychologists, every adult has an inner child.
Your wounded inner child is that part of you that never grew up, even though you are now an adult. She may be your younger self as a newborn or a 6 year old. If she is wounded, it means that she has been holding on to hurt, disappointment, pain or any negative emotions, and her needs have not been met.
If the needs of your inner child remain unresolved, it can potentially affect your mental well-being and relationships. Thus, inner child healing is a crucial part to deep psychological work. It involves the spiritual process of reconnecting to the wounded elements of your inner child.
Here are 7 indicative signs that you need self-love healing which involves “meeting” your inner child…
How to Let Go of Wanting to Let Go Of Emotions Fast
You’ve just been advised by your therapist, coach or counsellor to let go of your negative emotions.
Which you know you “should”.
In fact, you would like to let go of your emotions FAST!
After all, whatever negativity you’ve been holding on to doesn’t serve you.
Your mind already knows this.
Every self-help book or guide out there says to release the anger, blame or resentment and move on.
It all sounds so easy.
And it also makes sense, doesn’t it?
And it also makes sense, doesn’t it?
The problem is that even though you have done as best as you could, you are not feeling that this is it.
You are unable to let your emotions go COMPLETELY.
Your heart is not willing to – not just yet.
How Clearing Money Blocks Helped Kay Release Childhood Pain
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to work on clearing money blocks?
If so, I’d like to share the client notes that I have recorded down about Kay* with you. While Kay is not her real name, she is an actual person. She had first presented a situation and background, that was similar to other clients I had worked with.
Typically, when we start to work together and dig deep, we would find that much of the blocks stem from childhood. These blocks arise from memories that have been repressed for a long time. For clearing money blocks, my intent is to help clients address the root cause of their issues. As Tom Robbins, a best-selling novelist, who is often quoted says, “It is never too late to have a happy childhood.” Whatever has happened in the past, we would find that it is possible to repair their childhood wounds, turning their scars into stars that shine light!
Because the alchemy sessions are experiential, the process is an awakening of sorts. It doesn’t matter if I am conducting these sessions online or in-person. They would know that something has shifted internally; with indicative signs such as a dissolution of the sharp pain over their heart, a lifting of the heaviness in the head or a lightening of the weight on their shoulders, etc. Clients find the changes in body sensations coupled with receiving insights, as pretty much transformative!
Let’s find out what took place for Kay….
What Prompted Kay to Pursue Clearing Money Blocks
When Kay – 41-years old and mother to two young kids – first approached me, she was feeling desperate. Tears flowed down uncontrollably as she related her story. She was in a lot of emotional pain.
Kay realised that her lack of confidence and mood swings were affecting her ability to function well at work. Kay also suspected that she had huge money blocks as she often faced the pattern of having barely enough to survive even prior to marriage. She needed help to release her money blocks.
That was when I found out more of what had happened to her.
Kay was on the brink of divorce. Her asking for a divorce would have happened sooner if she had not tried to hang on for the sake of their two young kids and her worry over finances. She wanted out because she had realised that she was in a toxic relationship for a long time.
Her husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative. Over the years, while she became more interested in yoga and spirituality, he wasn’t. They had drifted apart with different interests. Their constant quarrels weighed her down.
Kay finally realised that “enough was enough” with the last argument they had. Her husband had attempted to stop her from attending meditation classes. He was against her undertaking spiritual activities that he felt was a a “waste of time” and money.
Kay desperately needed her life to change. Her situation seemed dire. Kay urgently needed to learn how to stand on her own two feet and find a more consistent source of income with financial independence. She would like to have her two kids stay with her.
Kay had to get a new home with the divorce pending. Based on her circumstances, she figured that the best she could do was to become a real estate agent. Getting out of bed to service clients on bad days was a real challenge.
Clearing Money Blocks From Childhood Issues
During the private session, Kay shared that she had felt “rejected” with the collapse of her marriage. Then again, it wasn’t a new feeling. She had been suffering from feeling lousy about herself for a long time.
When we started to work together, Kay recalled specific memories in her childhood that still bothered her today. Her parents had divorced when she was 6 years old. Their intense frequent arguments left Kay traumatised. Her mother who was aggrieved and felt bitter by the divorce, had left Kay pretty much on her own. Her 6-year old self felt alone, “unwanted”, abandoned and like a “nobody”.
Kay was in tears when she finally plucked up courage to “meet” her 6-year old. She immediately recognised her inner child who was wearing hand-me-down clothes given by her well-to-do cousins. The clothes were unfortunately too big for her small frame. She was often ridiculed in school about her dressing. Her 6-year old was looking extremely miserable.
With guidance, Kay found out that her inner child or wounded child had been holding on to hurt and pain. She also realised that her younger self had inherited the same beliefs as her mother. Her mother had the beliefs of “I am not good enough” and due to her own issues, would often reaffirm that “money is the root of all evils”.
Kay found out how the negative patterns formed quickly became a common theme in her life. She discovered why she would end up in relationships with partners who were bad for her, leaving her in debt and in dire straits. Kay also finally understood why and how she had contributed to her own marriage collapse and the core reason behind her issues with finances.
Kay realised that she had been operating in poverty consciousness all this time. She needed to change the stories that she was creating in her mind. Her realisations were deep because they were made at the subconscious level. Fortunately, it is possible to tap away the money blocks, rewrite the past and reverse the programming.
What Was Done to Help Kay
Belief Change at Subconscious Level. After Kay had understood what her lessons were, we worked on changing her beliefs at the subconscious. From “not good enough”, I helped her to install beliefs about being worthy and deserving.
Inner Child Healing. Throughout, we worked together with her inner child or wounded child to overcome her feelings of being unwanted and abandonment. The 6-year old wanted clothes that fitted her. She selected a bright yellow dress that brought out the sunshine in her personality. We worked on integrating the energetic picture of a happy child.
Change in Money Story. We cleared her old money beliefs and went on to reimprint Kay’s subconscious with a new story – one that would support her with attracting a money breakthrough and a new reality.
Resourceful State. We worked on shifting Kay into a more resourceful state. From feeling helplessness, she was able to empower herself with creative problem solving and the willingness to be open to new possibilities.
The Aftermath from Clearing Money Blocks
Collapsing the old stories that Kay once had set her free. She experienced shifts as she released her emotional disruptions. From having embraced her inner child, she tuned into a sense of “coming home”. (I equate this to being self-love that she had integrated – a return to wholeness.)
Kay was happy to have worked on clearing money blocks through releasing her childhood pain. In fact, as she discovered, she was no longer as bothered about her financial situation. She was less uptight over things and felt more at ease with herself.
I was delighted to hear from Kay a few weeks later when she reported that she’s been attracting new prospects. The installation of the belief that she is “good enough” had helped to improve her self-esteem. She was able to go for networking events to promote her services confidently.
Kay worked hard both externally and internally through processing her resistances. She went on to selling three properties with a lot less struggle. That gave her enough assurance that she could be independent. She was able to afford rent and to move out to a new apartment after 4 months.
My Thoughts
All in, I was happy to have helped Kay. It was great that she took responsibility and committed to working on herself for clearing money blocks. Kay is now in a more resourceful state to deal with ongoing life challenges. I’m proud of how far she has come. That’s empowerment for her!!
Much love,
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach for Women in Business
P.S. f you have further questions and/or would like to find out more about how a session can help you with your issues, please apply for a 30-minute complimentary call here!
Related Articles:
1. What is Wounded Child Healing
2. How to Solve the Root Cause of Your Money Story
What is Wounded Child Healing
Have you come across the term “wounded child healing” and wonder if it is something that you may need?
Well, I’d like to offer a brief description of what I understand “wounded child healing” to be.
[Note: I’m re-publishing this article as it is still relevant even after 10 years ;-)]
What is Wounded Child Healing
The “wounded child” is an archetype which contains damaged or negative emotional patterns of our youth. It may help to improve your understanding if we can draw reference from someone famous, like Michael Jackson. After all, no one tells the story of the wounded child better than him. The clues are obvious in the lyrics to his song “Childhood”….
How to Awaken Your Divine Feminine When You Have Lost Yourself
You will need to awaken your Divine Feminine if you have lost yourself.
Losing yourself can happen in various ways. One big way is when you have lost yourself in your multiple roles – as a wife, mother, lover, friend, leader and so on. At the root, you could have beliefs that stop you from connecting with your female energy and shining your core brilliance.
Born female, you could have been taught that you are of the inferior sex to males. You were told that you are to play more of a supporting role. And that you have little or less right to be heard. Invariably, you give your power away.
Thus, your Divine Feminine gets hidden, forgotten and suppressed. Over time, you become increasingly disconnected with her. When you diminish yourself as a female, you feel less attractive and if I guess right, will have difficulties with loving and accepting yourself unconditionally. Aligning with your highest potential becomes challenging. You are unable to hold your own even when you need to show up confidently.
Should this be true, you are not alone.
How To Love Yourself In 17 Ways
How to love yourself when you don’t know how?
It’s exactly what it was like when I first started realising that I needed to love myself but have no idea where to start.
I felt embarrassed that I was clueless and that I should already know this stuff. “How to love yourself” sounded like something that everyone ought to know from young. You see…by the time I became aware about the importance of self-love, I was already an adult, married and with young children.
I even found it surprising (and even laughable) to realise that I was clueless.
Surely, I should be some kind of an expert? After all, as I recalled, relationship matters had been a key focus since my younger days. My attention was on dating, partying and looking for a potential partner. Over cups of latte, I would have long conversations with my girlfriends about relationship issues. As things turned out, I found myself failing miserably in my early relationships. I was in and out of love.
7 Steps To Self Discovery
What are the steps to self discovery?
To begin with, do you know yourself well?
Are you clear about you want in life?
Do you have a sense of purpose?
What defines you?
What makes you happy?
It may be that you find yourself answering “no” or “don’t really know” to most of the questions above.
Well, should this be true, you are not alone.
It may also be that while you are happy with some parts of your life, there could be also parts that you do not like. Any dissatisfaction is an indication that you have got things about your life that are unresolved.