Category Archives for "Relationships"
Tips on Attracting Healthy And Loving Relationships.
How to Reduce Relationship Conflicts: Make Observations, Not Evaluations
“Observations are the windows to empathy, while evaluations are the doors to conflict.” Marshall Rosenberg
Are you tired of encountering misunderstandings and conflicts in your conversations?
Well, a good book to read is this: Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg.
The author offers a ton of valuable tips for us.
One such tip: separate observations from evaluation.
Observations focus on factual information without judgment, while evaluations involve personal interpretations and assessments.
How to Deal with Emotional Overwhelm When It Feels Too Much
Going through a tough period?
Finding it hard to deal with emotional overwhelm?
Perhaps, you are at a loss about what to do with the flood of feelings that are coming up.
A client once described her experience as being in a washing machine, with the flood of emotions spinning round and round and unable to stop. And it happens to the best of us. Whatever the trigger is, it may be that you are feeling angry or sad, all at once. Or that you are feeling torn.
You just can’t make out what to think or how to go about solving your problems. No wonder you struggle to fall asleep. Well, if you have been feeling struggling, I would like to invite you to create a safe space for yourself.
Instead of being in a rush to repress or deny what you are going through, give yourself some time to process your feelings.
Start by putting your hands over your heart and center your breathing.
Be in a safe non-judgmental space as you work through this.
4 Money Healing Stories: Letting Go of the Past
Would you like to be inspired by money healing stories?
Well, I’d like to share some that belonged to my clients. I have had the privilege of helping them attain a mindset breakthrough that resulted in a change in their finances. For a long time, they were struggling with limiting beliefs that blocked the flow of money and their ability to generate better income. Most carried emotional money wounds that stemmed from the past.
Their money healing stories are transformative. They had to confront their fears and release their attachment to beliefs formed since young. I’m thankful to my clients for giving me a firsthand chance to learn about how it is possible to rewrite our stories for healing and greater empowerment. To protect their privacy, I have used pen names for them.
No matter how much effort she put in, Annie couldn’t seem to break through her glass income ceiling for her business. She’s constantly having money worries and that she’d never have enough. While we were working together, Annie experienced an “aha” moment. She suddenly realised how her unconscious limit in earnings came about.
Her dad had struggled to make a living when she was young. Unfortunately, Annie internalised some of the messages he had shared with her about his money troubles. During our session, she “saw” the amount that was written on the cheques he had been banking in from his job. To her surprise, it was the same amount that she has been earning for a long time from her business.
Annie worked on letting go of her glass ceiling. She gave herself the permission to make more than her dad. Annie no longer limits herself on what she can earn. As a result of her inner work, she has been generating income breakthroughs ever since. Annie found herself attracting bigger and bigger deals for her business.
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How You Can Communicate with Money through S.P.A.R.K.
Just imagine money as a partner for life.
In order to build the best relationship with it, learning to “communicate” with it can be helpful. Ultimately, we are able to receive a better response from our partner. Conversely, when we are not in sync, our ability to relate to each other goes down.
After reviewing what I had learned from my 20 years of marriage, I came up with 5 ways on how best to cultivate communication in a couple relationship. When I put the 5 ways together, I found out that it fitted nicely with a SPARK acronym 🙂
On a wave of inspiration, I extended its application to working with our relationship with money.
Mindfulness Teachings from Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child
I’ve enjoyed reading Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and thought I’d honour his recent passing by sharing what I’ve learnt about applying mindfulness for healing the inner child.
Connecting with The Energy of Mindfulness
“The energy of mindfulness is the salve that will recognize and heal the child within.” Thich Nhat Hanh
In Buddhist psychology, there are two parts to consciousness, the mind consciousness and the store consciousness. Mind consciousness is our active awareness for everyday living while store consciousness is often referred to as the “unconscious mind” where our past experiences are stored. In some situations, we go through life without engaging our mind consciousness. For example, when we drive without actively thinking, we are using our store consciousness.
How to Clear Unfinished Business and Reset Your Energy System
When we clear unfinished business, we are better able to reset our energy system or even rebooting it – so that we can invite in new possibilities.
What does it mean to clear unfinished business?
Clearing unfinished business involves letting go of old attachments, meeting unfulfilled promises, and honouring what we said that we would do. We work on clearing unfinished business because these outstanding items can create a drag in our energy system and can potentially be a stopper for starting things on a clean slate.
In terms of agreements, these could be contractual ones that we have made with an external body; such as getting into a housing loan agreement. Or they could be simply promises that we have made to our loved ones and even ourselves. Examples include
- making a commitment for fidelity
- saying “yes” to accompanying our partners for an engagement (even though we are not that interested and prefer to stay home)
- offering to help out a friend
- returning a small debt owed to our parents or relatives
- agreeing to pay our share for a split restaurant bill
- doing our share of household chores etc
It’s easy to forget the “smaller” promises that we have made but over time, these could add up and weigh on us. We repel abundance when we consistently don’t honour what we said we would do. Our promises don’t count if we have no intention of following through.
Unfinished business also can include grievances, hurts and conflicts that have been left unresolved. These create emotional debris. Even though we may not be conscious of them all the time, they take up space in our energetic system.
Learn more about Clearing Unfinished Business Below
Positive Outcomes from Clearing Unfinished Business
There are benefits to clearing up unfinished business as quickly as possible. We wouldn’t want to wait till we are on our deathbed to recall the promises that we’ve not yet kept. It certainly doesn’t serve us to hold on to any outstanding item year after year.
- We even up any score that is left hanging at the back of our subconscious minds when we work on meeting our obligations. At the same time, we also prevent self-sabotage from taking place. In the physical dimension, we follow through with clear intent and action. We are in congruence – body, mind and spirit.
- Our relationship with money improves. Not forgetting, many contracts and agreements involve money. When we keep to the terms of our agreement, we are in integrity. As a result we raise our energetic frequency that brings about more expansiveness, which also supports our ability to attract abundance.
- Relationships with our partners also improve where we honour the promises that we make. Trust increases. We feel more grounded and secure in relationships where both parties keep to their word.
- By releasing old attachments to the past, we create space for new relationships or to rejuvenate existing ones. Clearing unfinished business may require us to cut cords with negative or toxic people in our lives, let go of old grievances, practice forgiveness and move on to creating new and more fulfilling relationships.
What To Do Next: Create a List of Outstanding Items for Unfinished Business
Here are some reflection questions for you…
- What are the promises that you have made to yourself or others that you haven’t quite met?
- Are there any contracts or agreements that you have said “yes” to but there are remaining terms that you have not quite followed through on?
- Any outstanding debts or loans to attend to? How is your plan to meet your obligations like?
- Any old relationship ties that you need to say good-bye to?
- Any grievances or grudges to resolve?
- What past emotional baggage does it serve your highest interest to let go of?
Once you’ve created a list, prioritise the items according to how much lighter and freer you are going to feel as a result of clearing it. Create an action plan for working through the list and also specifying dates and timelines. Check off your list as you complete the items.
Clearing unfinished business is one of the modules in my course on Changing Your Relationship with Money. Alternatively, apply for a discovery call if you need personal help to work on clearing unfinished business.
Create more energetic space to invite in the new!
Love and abundance always,
Evelyn
Abundance Coach for Women Solopreneurs
How to Validate Your Inner Child with What to Say
Validating our inner child is one of the best things we can do, especially if she (he) has suffered from emotional neglect for the longest time. When we validate her feelings, it aids in her healing and recovery. Her unresolved needs of not being listened to are now being met. Ultimately, it boosts our emotional well-being from the inside-out.
Let’s understand more about what validation is about. In general, when we validate someone, we are showing that we acknowledge his or her emotional experience. The opposite is true of invalidation when we ignore, reject or judge the other person.
Validation doesn’t mean that we have to agree with the reactions or choices of others. We are simply saying that we can understand why they would feel a certain way based on what happened. Also, we are demonstrating acceptance of who they are – regardless of how they feel or think.
How to Heal Childhood Wounds: 4 Common Patterns
A childhood wound is an emotional pain or a negative belief that a part of us internalised due to a traumatic past event or the relationship we had with our parents or caregivers when we were young.
As I have discovered, unresolved childhood wounds can adversely affect the quality of life in our adult years. Indeed, they have an impact on our personalities, beliefs, career choices, and relationships. We can also be passing on our childhood wounds to the future generations.
Our wounded child is acting up if we often find ourselves in self-sabotage, making poor choices or having over-the-top reactions to triggers. She or he is crying for attention of unhealed emotions. If we choose to ignore our wounded child, we can be stuck for years.
How Childhood Emotional Neglect Affects Our Mental Health
We tend to pay little regard to any form of emotional neglect that we’ve experienced as a child. After all, it is not as if that we had faced a real survival threat. Nor were we physically abandoned or abused either. So it would seem unthinkable to even imagine that there can be any sort of trauma related to emotional neglect.
Therein lies where the problem is.
Because it did not cross our minds that a lack of self-esteem or our struggles with anxiety and mental health could be contributed by the emotional neglect that we had experienced when we were young, we don’t seek help or therapy for our issues. In fact, we usually perceive that seeking help from professionals as only warranted for major traumas. Sure, problems caused by emotional neglect may be less serious than say, a case of torture or abuse. However, emotional neglect can also cause problematic wounds when we bury them deep in our psyche.
So, here’s what I eventually discovered…
Emotional neglect can inflict invisible wounds, even in the absence of any physical signs of abuse.
3 Lessons of 2020
2020 has been a difficult year for most. Against the backdrop of confusion, chaos and challenges, I reviewed the happenings that took place, in order to redesign plans for a new year ahead.
As 2020 comes to an end, I’d like to invite you to do the following too…
What’s your review for 2020 like?
What were your 3 most important lessons learnt?
How can you pivot your life and business for a stronger 2021 ahead?
May 2021 be a better year for you.
To your success, health and happiness!
Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim