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Body Image: Take A Look In the Mirror

body image

Body image is how you see yourself when you look in the mirror.

Fat. Thin. Big. Small. Wide. Narrow. Tall. Short. Flat. Sharp. Curvy. Flabby. Nose. Feet. Eyes. Arms. Tummy. Chin. Butt. Thighs. Acne. Stretch marks. Blemish. Mole. Skin. Birthmark.

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When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Are you focused on the best parts of the reflection of your body or does your mind zoom in on the parts that are imperfect? Do you see the reflection of someone smiling or frowning back at you? Are you happy with the way you look? (For a list of related questions, you may want to consider taking a Self-Love Quiz, if you have not already done so.)

If you find yourself in a stream of self-criticism, you just may have body image issues. Body image involves your perception about your appearance. It does not matter what others think about your body. When it comes to body image, it is your perception that counts.

Perhaps you can relate to the same experience: There can be days when you feel extremely lousy about not being able to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or about your tummy showing when you wear low-rise jeans. You somehow forget that you have been sold on the perfect body and that few, if any, exist in reality. In your temporary deluded state, you believe that there is something definitely very wrong with you.

One study found that 63% of female participants identified weight as the key factor in how they feel about themselves. In another research, it is found that that as much as ¼ of a person’s self esteem is the result of the perception about the body. Another study showed that 86% of all women are not contented with their appearance and want to lose weight.

Media Influence on Body Image

According to research studies, body image issues affect more females than males. A major contributing factor to body image issues is the media. We are bombarded daily by media messages that we just do not look good enough. Our weight is not good enough, our skin is not flawless enough, our bodies are not toned enough and our hair is not shiny enough. We simply do not look perfect. And so the advertisements try to convince us that we need more products and services to enhance our appearance.

Unfortunately, many of the pictures used by the media to represent what is ideal offer a distorted representation. Mostly, to make the pictures look appealing, the images have been airbrushed, retouched and edited. So the models have their blemishes erased, boobs enhanced and waistline reduced. It will help you to know that 96% of all women do not have the statistics of an average model.

My Body Image Issues

Clearly body image issues are pervasive. I have them too. I have some of the most critical comments on how I look. For instance, in the years after giving birth to two girls, it has become increasingly difficult to reduce my tummy bulge. It will be nice to maintain a flat stomach but there have been extended periods when I lose momentum from my exercise plan and get lazy.

Shopping is a waste of time during such periods. Nothing that I try in the changing room seems to fit. The clothes may look great on the mannequin but somehow I would feel fat in it. My body image issue is that I feel and believe that I look fat, even though everyone around disagrees. My mind is automatically drawn to the part that has extra flab (and seemingly blows it to a bigger proportion).

I have also been led to conclude that fashion trends are not made for the average-sized and middle-aged woman. My question is: How many women can really look good in skinny jeans, florescent pink tights, ultra-short mini skirt or toga-tops? Not many women can pull off these clothes unless they are young, slim, toned and with no loose flab showing.

Fortunately, I have enough self-acceptance to not let my body image issues get out of hand. Reportedly, those with extreme negative self-perception are at risk of developing eating disorders. On the bright side, I still enjoy having meals tremendously. Considering everything else, I feel grateful. My looks are not perfect but I have a healthy and functioning body. Notwithstanding, what I need to accept is that the metabolic rate of my body has gone down with age. Hence, I just need to step up on the exercise 🙂

Learn Self-Acceptance From Glee

But, what happens if it is not as simple as losing weight through making responsible food choices or exercising? What happens if you are born with a body part that you perceive as imperfect?

Well, look no further than the TV series “Glee” for lessons on body image issues. In the award winning series, high school teens have to learn about self-acceptance despite having body parts about themselves that they do not like. In the “Born this Way” episode that I watched last week, Rachel Berry (played by Lea Michele) had to accept her nose. It was watching the episode that prompted me to write this post.

Rachel found herself struggling with the option of rhinoplasty, even though she was reminded that her idol, Barbra Streisand, had refused to go under the knife. Finally, the team members in the Glee club had to wear a T-shirt, displaying individually what about themselves they need to accept.

Amongst the team members, Rachel’s T-shirt showed “Nose”, Artie’s was “Four Eyes”, Will was “Butt Chin” and Tina was “Brown Eyes”. The words were bold and printed in black, right across the chest, against a white T-shirt.

What Will Your T-Shirt Say?

What I have gathered on the side in the recent weeks is that, resilience is built when you dare let others know about what is it about you that you would rather hide. Somehow, your verbal expression or speaking up transforms the emotion of shame. You gain freedom with the release of the repressed energy. You learn self-acceptance and self-acceptance sets the ground for loving yourself.

So, will you be up to the challenge? What would yours say on your T-shirt? What part about yourself have you perceived as imperfect?

Shine from the soul,
evelyn lim signature
Author. Adventurer. Life Artist.

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Evelyn

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Lindsay | The Daily Awe - August 30, 2011 Reply

This is such a sensitive topic for so many people (men included!). I hear you on the giving birth thing and never having your “old” body back. I’ve given birth to two little girls and my stomach will never be the same. I try not to beat myself up about the stretch marks and extra skin…it’s all just a part of having babies.

I am just now getting myself out of a few months of pure laziness and not working out. I’d been doing so well and feeling great, but I got lazy and stopped working out for almost 4 months. I’m paying for it now — and my love-handles are expanding. It’s just a good idea to start moving our bodies, even a little bit, each day. Then we’ll start to feel good and hopefully exercise and incorporate it into our daily lives!

One thing to remember though is that nobody’s body is “perfect”. Someone (and probably lots of people) would find us beautiful. But the person who should believe it first is ourselves. 🙂

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Evelyn Reply:

Hello Lindsay,

It’s great that you can relate to the same experience of not having the same body back that easily. I remember the days before having my two children when I used to do watersports about 2-3 times a week, on top of going to the gym.

In the recent years, I go through periods of yoga, gym and qigong but it has not been easy keeping to the regimes, especially when I am also passionate about blogging and writing and doing healing work. As you probably know, maintaining websites do take up a fair bit of time. Still, like you, I am hoping to incorporate regular exercise into my daily life. I do walks and have healthy salad lunches almost daily but they are just not enough to lose the “love-handles”.

Oh yes, others will probably think we are okay or even beautiful but we should really be accepting ourselves!

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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Chris Edgar - August 31, 2011 Reply

Hi Evelyn — I liked what you said about the power of letting people know what you’d most like to hide about yourself — I’m part of a group that does this on a weekly basis and I can definitely attest to the fact that it’s made me a more courageous person.

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Evelyn Reply:

Hi Chris,

It’s great that you attest to the fact about letting people know about what you’d prefer to hide about yourself. A friend told me recently about her observation on “unabashed” I was in talking about things that others will normally feel embarrassed or shy about. She noted that I could laugh at myself. She was inspired to gain more freedom from her fears with doing the same.

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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Angela Artemis/Poweredbyintuition - August 31, 2011 Reply

Evelyn,
This is a fantastic topic. I happened to catch that episode of Glee as well. I don’t think the fashion industry helps women’s body images either. All you see are 6 foot models that are a size zero. Everything in the industry has the effect of making you feel inadequate. I was a women’s studies minor in college – there’s a great book I highly recommend if you get a chance to read it: The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. (I think that’s her name….it’s been a while). She discloses how the beauty industry keeps women buying stuff to bolster their self esteem by making them feel so inadequate.

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Evelyn Reply:

Hello Angela,

I cannot imagine anyone being 6 feet tall and a size zero. It’s just ridiculous. I recommend checking-in when we start to feel inadequate. We are likely to discover that we have been measuring our bodies with standards that are humanly almost impossible to achieve.

Thank you for suggesting a new book for me to read. I will be keen to read it as soon as I can get hold of a copy.

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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Justin | Mazzastick - August 31, 2011 Reply

Hi Evelyn,
Self acceptance is really tested during adolescence. Those are the years when the mean kids pick on the weaker kids creating serial killers. I remember those Columbine kids allegedly were picked on in school plus not to mention that their parents could care less about them.

It seems that every culture has things about their body that they do not like. I would prefer to live in a society that was accepting of oneself and each other.

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Evelyn Reply:

Hello Justin,

How sad it is that we do not pay enough attention to important issues like self-acceptance during adolescence. More violence can certainly be avoided. I believe that to create a society or environment of unconditional love, acceptance has to ultimately begin from us individually.

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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Galen Pearl - August 31, 2011 Reply

I hardly ever look in the mirror! When I do, I’m likely to see my older sister or my mother looking back. As I get older, I look more and more like them. That is reassuring and comforting in a way. My daughter can’t ever pass a reflective surface without checking herself out! I was probably like that at her age, too. These days, I’m more concerned about how my body feels than how it looks. And it feels pretty good, most of the time!

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Evelyn Reply:

Hello Galen,

My daughters at 8 and 10 years old are also checking themselves out in the mirror, more so than I do LOL! Now that you mentioned it, it is true for me too. I spend more time checking out my body sensations to note how I feel to address any resistance, because of the healing and inner work that I do. It is getting less and less about how I look than how I feel. I am working on self-acceptance, so it is important that I accept every resistance that I come to be aware of unconditionally.

It’s great that you feel good most of the time!! I would love to meet you some day!

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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J.D. Meier - August 31, 2011 Reply

I’m a fan of improving what can be improved, and letting what you can’t go.

I’m also a fan of focusing on strengths over weaknesses, but also recognizing that sometimes what appears as a weakness is a strengths in disguise in the right scenario.

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Evelyn Reply:

Hello J.D.,

I am a fan of what you’ve said too 🙂

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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sangeng - August 31, 2011 Reply

Thanks, Ms Evelyn for sharing. On a contrary note, I think we need to take responsibility for who we are and what we do (self mastery/contrition, self realisation)) and not blaming others for who or what we are but resolve and act on remedying from what lessons we have learnt, as to say, why my body is shaped is this way? What have I done /eaten/drank or what my life style have so caused it? (especially after 40, we have to be responsible for how we look–Peter Lawrence). Steps to remedy is the issue. I am 62. I do hill climbing (which definitely makes me sweat without the serious panting). I am always on the move and not sitting down too often to read or to type in the computer. Have more meals but at 70 or 80% full, do my self taught style of yoga, emphasising on shaking, twisting and bending and drink beer less. Ah, self acceptance—yes I am not perfect but am perfecting. Thanks.

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Evelyn Reply:

Hello Sangeng,

It is true that we need to learn to take responsibility, instead of blaming others. Still, no one can deny the media influence on our perspectives. Many of us are bombarded by daily messages of what the ideal looks like. Hence, awareness is key and not allowing ourselves to believe in these messages with absolute certainty.

Good for you in being always on the move. You seem to have a great regime going. We can certainly learn from you about maintaining a healthy holistic balance. Thank you for being an inspiration!

Shine from the Soul,
Evelyn

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sangeng Reply:

Hi, Dear Evelyn Lim,
thanks again. About media influence, I have this technique of crap detecting, i.e check what is the hidden message therein and see the true motive in the message and also compare the literal message with my own truth. When one reads a lot and truly understands what he/she reads, one is capable of seeing more of whatever messages that come to him/her and detect the crap (i.e error/rubbish) therein. The spokesmen/women of certain products are the most actors and actresses and they may not know better then you on certain products. Similarly, for messages of politicians on economics or social issues, what they know may be just superficial/cliche observations, from what I have time and again observed from the media. As such we need to detect the crap therein.

As to the activities that I have undertaken, I need also to enjoy them, like, after this, I am going to have a lunch and tea sessions with friends, sharing the Malay food presented to us, with buddies in town. “Love, light (enlightenment) and happiness through sharing and contributing, unconditionally.”

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Carla - August 31, 2011 Reply

This is a really good post on the subject, thank you for writing about body image. Honestly, most of my insecurity about my body comes from looking at other people in the real world, not on TV or in magazines. I go to the gym most days out of the week, work harder than most people there (despite my disability), eat a strict diet and still don’t have the body I feel I deserve from all the work I do. I see super thin women in town scarfing forbidden foods such as sugar and bread while I abstain, but you would never know. Genes are not in my favor in my case I suppose.

I’ve been feeling this way since I was in my teens and it seems the older I get, the more insecure about my appearance I am (I thought it should be other way around!). Talking myself into it hasn’t worked so far. Its embarrassing as hell to admit this, but that’s how I feel, that’s how it is.

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Christy - August 31, 2011 Reply

Just realized I have a lot of flaws. This post made me count them all.

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rob white - August 31, 2011 Reply

Hi Evelyn,
Indeed, when we identify with our Counterfeit-Self there are endless ways in which we keep our true nature crushed, smothered and limited. Having a mean and low opinion about ourselves is simply not natural and has to be learned. Identifying with this Counterfeit version of our self is the root problem of all our problems – this assumed identity contains erroneous opinions that make us feel inferior, insecure and unworthy in different domains of life. This is not our real self – it is useless. When we find something useless it is time to get rid of it. It takes time and vigilance, but this decision settles in nicely when we no longer find any peculiar pleasure in living with a false image of our self.

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Aileen | Kaizen Vision - September 1, 2011 Reply

I love that you brought Glee into the post 🙂 I Tivo that show so I can watch it, love it!
I have some days where I’m fine with “imperfections” and other days where I feel awful about them. I do my best to keep it in check and not be cruel to myself. The the thoughts we have about our bodies effect our self-esteem, our emotions, and even our health. It is vitally important to send messages of self-love and not get angry with our bodies. I dance ballet with a lot of skinny teenagers and it’s not easy to feel perfectly okay at times. There are several moments when I feel like I’m the width of 2 of them – and I have to exhale and say my affirmations silently “I love and accept myself, I love and accept my body.” Not easy , but it’s necessary.

The journey to self love and acceptance may not be easy, but it’s worth the effort to get to the place of peace with self.

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David Stevens - September 1, 2011 Reply

Hi Evelyn,
I look at the mirror and smile, imperfections and all. I’m glad there’s still a reflection. Ageing gracefully & proud of it.
be good to yourself
David

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