How To Let Go of The Past

Not being able to let go of the past can keep you stuck for years. The suffering of holding on keeps your stories alive. Attachment drives you into heartache. In fact, over time, you could have also gotten used to the suffering. So much so that you may even feel lost at the thought of becoming free from pain.

(Photo: Singapore Botanic Gardens)

It is possible to fear that there will be emptiness when you let go of the past. You are not sure what could be left of you if all the anger, hurt and resentment is gone. After all, you have defined yourself by the stories you believe in. You may think that it is better to cling on the old stories because you fear losing your identity. Well, as I had discovered, this is erroneous thinking.
There was a time when I was stubbornly stuck in the past. Blame was my way of dealing with my discontent. I kept pointing fingers outwards. Although finger-pointing made my ego feel better for a while, blame did not let me experience happier outcomes. I felt more miserable. Eventually I had to learn to let go of the past. I decided that I would rather be happy compared to putting myself in further pain.

Without awareness, it is possible to live according to the doomed conclusions we have made as a result of past experiences. Because we have made a mistake or failed, we predict that we will never succeed. Or just because someone has wronged us, we find it hard to forgive. Our mind becomes stuck in the same mental movie it has been repeatedly playing. On and on, the tape would run.

The function of our conscious mind is to think logically to arrive at conclusions. However, over negative experiences of the past, this can create a fallacy in thinking: “If I have failed previously in the past, then I will fail again in the future” or “If he has failed me in the past, he is bound to do the same again”. The mind tends to extrapolate into the future in a linear fashion.

It is similar to being in a car. Failing to look in front, we become entranced by what has happened in the rearview mirror. Thus, instead of just glancing at the rearview mirror every now and then, we forget to look in front. What is better is to keep focus on what lies ahead, but yet glance at the rearview mirror every now and then for feedback on how far we have come.

10 Ways to Let Go of the Past

So what are the ways that can help you to release the past:

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – anonymous Click to Tweet

1. Come to terms with the past.

You may have made a mistake in the past but this does not make you “bad”, “wrong” or “evil”. You destroy your self-confidence through a constant mental replay of your past and inflicting punishment by applying harsh judgments.

Everyone makes mistakes. And you are no exception. You need to also understand that you are not your mistakes. Hence, come to terms with what has happened to you in the past.

2. Address through emotional release work.

So what is holding you back from letting go? Your negative emotions? If you know that you are feeling blame, anger, resentment, regret or sadness, then you will need to address these.

You can do release through writing a journal. From my experience, the best form of emotional pain release is doing some emotional healing work. Consider using meridian tapping for instance. Work with me if you need some assistance.

3. Be willing to forgive.

When you are stuck in blame, it is difficult to practice forgiveness. Maybe it is not you who has committed a mistake. It could be someone else. In certain cases, you may even want justice done.

It is possible to carry on with your life, even though you do not forgive. However, you are only hurting yourself by holding on to the past. Your suffering arises from carrying the burden. Your unwillingness to forgive causes a part of your heart to be closed. You are robbed of inner peace.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Ask yourself if what has happened in the past is truly such a big deal. Likely not, in the grand scheme of things. Hence, learn to see the big picture. If it is small stuff, don’t sweat it.

Altering your perception raises your consciousness. You are invited to consider an alternative point of view that allows you to shift into an expanded paradigm. Instead of feeling stuck, you start perceiving more options.

5. Look at the bigger picture.

Your soul has incarnated to learn about loving fully and unconditionally. Holding on to your hurt means that there continues to be an unresolved issue and incomplete life lessons.

Releasing does not mean allowing the guilty party to go off the hook, it is allowing you to enter the present. Surely, you do not want to continue to hold on to the past even on your deathbed. The willingness to forgive invites grace from your heart. Through grace, you let your past go.

6. Decide on what you do want.

When you align with the picture of what you do want, you will undertake more positive and empowering actions. By default, your mind thinks about what it does not want. And so in order to shift yourself from being stuck, you will need to align with a more ideal picture.

Stop worrying about what others will think. Instead, decide on what your ideal dream looks like. List or write the qualities down. Better yet, create a vision board for it.

7. Direct your energy to the present.

Remind yourself that the past is over. What is past is past. You cannot undo the past but you can take steps for today. As Oogway, the wise turtle in the animated Kung Fu Panda movie, admonishes, “There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the ‘present.’”

It helps to do exercises like breath meditation. Breath meditation keeps your focus in the here and now. You are centered in the present. When you are centered in the present, you will increase your ability to make empowering decisions in the present that affect your future. Coincidentally in a meditation session I attended on Saturday evening, the teacher also shared that every in- and out-breath is a new one. No two breaths are ever alike. What is important is to live every moment as a new experience.

8. View past failure as feedback.

By playing the same past traumatic scene in your mind over and over again, you can find it hard to move forward. You deem yourself a failure. On the contrary, you would have encountered failure if you have just given up. What is more important is the road ahead. So long as you keep trying, there is no such thing as failure.

Of course, the past offers valuable information. But let’s use the past as a way of providing feedback and not for applying harsh judgments or apportioning blame. You choose to undertake wise actions thereafter. Most certainly, wise actions are not ones that will make you close to life.

9. Perform a Ritual For Your Intent.

As I have found out, making the intent to release the past is important. Once you have decided to let go for good, perform a ritual. Rituals can be helpful for expressing your intent physically. It is a symbolic gesture of the generosity of your heart space.

So here are some ideas. Write down a letter of your past hurt and then burn it. Or you can throw rocks into the pond, with each rock to represent the individual hurt that you have been holding on to.

10. Use Creative Visualisation. Mostly, your mind thinks in pictures. This being the case, consider applying creative visualisation to help you let go of the past. Thus, close your eyes to mentally think of a process to signify the release.

Computer analogy can be useful for creative visualisation. Hence, imagine yourself deleting an old program in your hard drive. Visualise yourself hitting the “delete” key. Once you have deleted, tell yourself firmly that it is no longer there.

Let Go of the Past For Freedom

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”
– Author Unknown

The biggest problem is that we could be shortchanging ourselves until the day we awaken about letting go of the past. Encumbered by the past, our energy becomes weighed down. We age before our time. We are not able to make ourselves available to the present.

When we release the past, we are likely to realise that we won’t lose our identity in the process; instead, we avail ourselves the opportunity to connect with our soul. Releasing the past creates a shift. No longer clouded by pre-conceived judgments of days gone by, we are now free to experience who we really are in the present.

Feeling free, we become open to enjoying life fully. We now meet each moment in time with curiosity, spontaneity and possibility. It is when we begin to know what truly alive feels like!

Hence, do not procrastinate any longer. It all boils down to making a conscious choice. Make the choice to release yourself from your old stories. You are the author of your life script. Choose to write a story of freedom and empowerment from now.

Love and Abundance Always,

Evelyn Lim

Author. Adventurer. Life Coach.

How Did You Let Go of the Past? 

What happened? What did you do to let go of the past? Share in the comments below.

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