7 Steps To Self Discovery

What are the steps to self discovery?

To begin with, do you know yourself well?

Are you clear about you want in life?

Do you have a sense of purpose?

What defines you?

What makes you happy?

It may be that you find yourself answering “no” or “don’t really know” to most of the questions above.

Well, should this be true, you are not alone.

It may also be that while you are happy with some parts of your life, there could be also parts that you do not like. Any dissatisfaction is an indication that you have got things about your life that are unresolved.

Update: I finally published Self-Discovery Journal for Women for anyone who needs guided prompts in order to create greater self-awareness. Click over image to order your copy now! 

It is no surprise if anyone claims to not knowing themselves very well. Even if you are already, 30, 40 or 50 years old, it may be that you haven’t spend enough time on self-discovery. It could be that you’ve been very busy over the years. Your mind has just been too preoccupied with things to do. Running on the treadmill of life has its toll.

There comes a time when you start to wonder about why you are here in this existence. And when you look deeper, you realise that you have not gotten much fulfilment from your work even though that’s the area that you’ve spent the most time in. You also see that you have NO clear idea of who you are, what you like and where to go from here. The lack of awareness can impact you not just emotionally or mentally but also spiritually. 

Also, by not being clear about what your core values, beliefs and goals are, you are likely to have allowed your emotions and decisions to be externally dictated. Hence, instead of making an independent decision, you’ve adopted the values, core beliefs and opinions of your friends, colleagues or parents, as your own. Thus, you would have no clue about what your personal boundaries are, even if they have been violated. 

Blockages To Self Discovery

It dawned on me that many of my friends experience the same blockages to self-discovery. While they have agreed with me the importance of knowing oneself, they found it challenging to do so. On reflection, I realised that their current state was how it was for me previously. It took me a long time to decide to commit to knowing more about myself.

So, ask yourself if the following is true of you:

Block #1 to Self Discovery: Fear Of Finding Demons

You fear the process of examining your life under a microscope. There is the fear of discovering that there can be demons in the closet. What terrifies you is that in the process of self discovery, you can come to the conclusion that you are worthless. Or that you are not very likeable. Rather than put yourself in fear, you would prefer to stay unaware about these demons and pretend that everything is fine.

From young, you are also taught to appear strong: don’t cry or display signs of weakness. You are warned that consequences of appearing weak or emotional or needing help can be severe, because you’ve observed that only those that appear strongest survive. And so, you believe that there is no place for being vulnerable if you want to get ahead in life.

“I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it–and that’s all I got.” Sabrina Ward Harrison quotes

By acknowledging who You really are, you are afraid that others may find that out the same truths too. You fear losing their friendships. Hence, you prefer that others do not know about any signs of vulnerability or weakness that you have. It can be hard to admit that you are not all that great, especially if you are holding a leadership position. Your ego is at stake here. You prefer to put on a mask rather than be your true authentic Self.

By avoiding the process of self-discovery, you are basically in denial of your authentic Self.  Behind the facade and outward appearances are your sabotaging thoughts and beliefs. Well, because you have never confronted your demons, they are still very much alive. They may just be the reasons why success has eluded you or why you have never been truly happy.

Block #2 to Self Discovery: Lack of Self Love

You may have never been taught to love yourself, from young. How can it be possible to love and accept yourself, if you have been handed more criticisms than encouragement? So you have grown up, not really knowing who you really are or what your strengths are.

There has never been a need to, in any case. Since it has always been about others. You crave for social acceptance. It would seem far better to adopt traits, ideas and behaviours of people who are popular and those whom you choose to emulate. You believe that there is nothing worthy within to find out, based on your low sense of Self.

Block #3 to Self Discovery: It Is Best To Stifle Your Creativity And Dreams

You may have also been taught that it is best to stifle your dreams. “It’s easier to make a living on a banking degree than on dabbling in art,” you were told at the age of 7. You were taught to choose a career choice based on what would be more financially viable by the marketplace than your own personal likes and natural inclinations. Even while you have an innate talent for art, you came to the conclusion that it is best not to develop it.

As you grow older, you have fewer and fewer dreams. After all, dreams seldom come true, you say. The dreams you once had as a child were left to die.

“Dreams are illustrations… from the book your soul is writing about you.”
Marsha Norman quotes (American Playwright and Dramatist won Pulitzer (1983) for her play Night Mother. b.1947)

Block #4 to Self Discovery: Too Much Noise

There is so much noise and stress in your life, that there is hardly any time for self discovery. You lead a busy lifestyle, with important datelines to fulfill and schedules that need to run like clockwork. You simply do not have the time to find answers that may or may not result in paying the bills for you. You would rather continue life as before. If you have been functioning so far, why rock the boat?

In your environment, you may find that what thrives are mindless gossips, unfair comparisons, snide remarks, and thoughtless comments. If your thoughts are filled with these mental defilements, it will be hard to find the space for reflection. 

Steps To Self Discovery

Step #1 to Self Discovery: Face Your Demons.

Understandably, examining your life under a microscope can be discomforting and an unpleasant exercise. I know. I have been through it. However, you will be grateful for starting the process of self discovery, because rewards unfold when you know more about yourself.

You would need to confront your emotional issues and weaknesses, because they reveal the separation from the real You. The real You is an authentic, loving and nurturing self. However, these negative parts add destructive layers to your Being, causing you distress and disharmony.

Negative beliefs tend to pervade every aspect of your life. If you have feelings of low self worth, then you are likely to carry them in the relationships you have at home, in the office, with your friends, relatives and loved ones.

If you find yourself coming up short, do not beat yourself up either. Instead, understand the separation and see if you can make improvements to your behaviour, thoughts and emotions. Uncovering answers will help peel off layer-by-layer the negative thoughts that have been imprinted in your mind since ages ago. These negative thoughts and beliefs have been your obstacles to inner growth.

Learn to forgive yourself. When your outer Self is aligned with your inner Being, you will feel happy and free!

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
– Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

Step #2 to Self Discovery: Celebrate Yourself

The process of self discovery is not just about unearthing nasty stuff about yourself. It is also about celebrating yourself. For a start, you celebrate who you are by acknowledging your strengths and abilities. As you become more aware of what you are good at, you lessen the list on any perceived weaknesses. Find ways to love yourself.

“You really have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, “I’m proud of what I am and who I am, and I’m just going to be myself.”
– Mariah Carey (American Singer. b.1970, New York,USA)

A position of strengths can come from knowing what you enjoy. List down activities that you like doing currently or have enjoyed in the past. Find out what makes your heart sing. Find out what keeps you excited. Find out what inspires you. These are the things that strengthen the sense of self.

Step #3 to Self Discovery: Ask Yourself: What Is Your Life Purpose?

It is important to ask yourself what you want out of life and work towards it. Aligning with your soul purpose brings about fulfilment. Without a purpose and direction, you are going to feel like a ship going nowhere. If you are going to continue in this manner, chances are you are going to experience regret while on your deathbed.

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” – Robert Byrne

Hence, start by listing down everything you would like to achieve.What are your dreams and goals?  The one that stands out is the one that has made you cry or that has resonated best with you. You may also want to use the opportunity to consider your life goals in all aspects: physical, mental and spiritual.

Step #4 to Self Discovery: Clarify Your Core Values.

In the questioning process, ask yourself what your personal values are. Core values will be things like compassion, honesty, love, kindness, loyalty, etc. Clarifying your core values will give you an exact picture of who You are.

When I first worked on self-discovery, I was dismayed to find out that I have had no clear idea about what my core values are. I felt as if I have no personal identity. Later on, in an exercise, I worked on clarifying my values  in each role such as being a mother, wife, daughter and entrepreneur.

Knowing what your core values are forms a solid anchor for decision making. You no longer sabotage yourself by going back and forth, unsure of what you stand for. By clarifying your core values through self discovery, you raise your opportunity for success in anything that you do!

Step #5 to Self Discovery: Find Inspiration From Positive Things Around You

Self improvement books have been particularly helpful in discovering more about myself. They include Law of Attraction books, Conversations with God by Neale Donald Waslch and in understanding ego, Eckhart Tolle’s the Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.  These books prompted me to ask questions about myself and how I would want to live my life. Hence, if you still find it difficult to know yourself, look for books, teachers and coaches to help.

Being with nature is also a good idea. It is easier to connect with your authentic self when you are more relaxed. The answers that you seek, while in a state of mental relaxation, surface more easily.

Step #6 to Self Discovery: Spend Time For Self-Reflection and Meditation

To know a person, is to spend time with him or her. In the same manner, to build a relationship with yourself, you need to spend time getting to know more about yourself. You cannot know yourself well, if you are constantly surrounded by lots of noise, friends and family, or if you are always preoccupied in your mind and with things to do.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
– Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

To kickstart the process of self discovery, it may be a good idea to go on a meditation retreat. This is especially if you find it hard to think clearly amidst the everyday mayhem that is going on in your life. To know yourself intimately, make an exclusive date – away from your spouse or partner, kids, colleagues, boss and parents.

Time alone to meditate and reflect is productive time. You cannot expect to function well physically everyday, if you are out of balance in other aspects such as mentally and spiritually. Very importantly, consider putting aside “me” time on a regular basis. For myself, I choose to spend “me” time meditating, reading books or simply just Be.

Step #7 to Self Discovery: Journalling.

Get to know yourself better through the process of journaling. 

Write about your likes and dislikes, and reactions to your various experiences. As you write, you are connecting to your authentic Self. Your posts can provide much needed clues about your emotions, strengths, weaknesses and areas that you never knew about yourself. They provide an opportunity for you to heal and grow.

“The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.” – Orison Swett Marden

If you need guided prompts, get my Self-Discovery Journal for Women on Amazon. 

A Lifetime Of Self Discovery

“The key to living a magical life is to be authentic. Be who you are. Have the courage to say ‘no’. Stand in your own divinity.” 

Self discovery is NOT an a one-day or a one-week affair.

In fact, it can take a lifetime to discover who you truly are.

Ultimately, you want to strip away the layers of the false self, the labels and the identifications. It means finding out what they are and then, letting go of them. It’s only then that you can truly discover your true and authentic essence.

In the meantime, with better self awareness, you become clearer and clearer in what you want. Because the intent that you send out to the Universe is more authentic, you no longer experience any conflict or sabotage. The energy vibration of your intent is pure, untainted and strong. By the Law of Attraction, you attract the very thing that resonates well with your soul.

In conclusion, the more you know yourself, the more empowered you are going to be. A clear self understanding results in renewed confidence, centeredness and strength. You Live Purposefully and You Are Truly Happy!

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim

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P.S. Get a copy of the Self-Discovery Journal for Women, which has 250 guided prompts to help you find out more about yourself. 

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