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3 Limiting Beliefs That Create Self-Doubt

Have you ever been told messages that caused you tremendous self-doubt? I certainly have received my fair share. At various points in my life, I have been told by naysayers, skeptics and even those with outdated ideas that I am not suitable or cut out to do something.

Paint Quote by Vincent Van Gogh

I have internalized some of the messages. A number of them became my beliefs. Shrouded in fear because of these beliefs, I stopped myself from living freely. It took me quite some time to break free.

If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. – Vincent Van Gogh

(Painting of a pair of birds by my daughter, Hui)

The following are 3 of my personal stories with their corresponding beliefs…

Self-Doubt Limiting Belief: You Need to be a Male to Do This

I remember being restrained from playing outdoor games. I was told that females are supposed to be demure. Hence, playing games like catch or hide-and-seek, which involve competitive running, are not appropriate. I recall sitting quietly often on the side, watching my brothers and male cousins playing boisterously. Years later, at a time when I was doing inner work, I realized that I had developed the unconscious pattern of not being fully engaged in life.

The message about needing to be a male was also applied to many other situations. For instance, avoid getting too tanned. Females supposedly look more attractive if they are fair, as I was told.

It is hard to blame the caregivers who offered gender-biased messages when I was young, for I now understand that they have been brought up on the same beliefs themselves. My caregivers came from an era steeped in traditional Chinese values. In particular, my grandmother was an immigrant from China. And so, females were less favored than males. Girls were supposed to be seen and not heard. Till today, the same beliefs continue to hold in China.

It would take me years to break free. I only did so in my early 20s when I became bold and adventurous. Despite not being a strong swimmer, I did them all: sailing, windsurfing, water-skiing, wakeboarding and diving. I continue to develop a wide range of interest. I have since become keen to be a participant – and not just an observer – of life.

Self-Doubt Limiting Belief: You are Just Not Good Enough

I don’t recall receiving many praises for my accomplishments, not that I had many in the first place when I was young. What I do recall, however, is having work that I have completed compared against others. Because I have not done just as well, I was admonished for not doing a good job.

As a result, the resounding voice in my head says: I am just not good enough. My confidence was obviously affected. I grew up believing that I could not do many things. I grew up feeling unsupported, ill-equipped to handle the vagaries of life.

Fast track till today, I now realize that I have the ability to learn what I do not know initially. In fact, I have got so much thirst for knowledge that I have not stopped learning. I have since realized that confidence can be developed with practice. With repeated practice, I have been able to move the mountain of self-doubt aside.

Self-Doubt Limiting Belief: You are Just Too Old

Limiting messages do not just affect us only in childhood. As I found out, they can also affect us as we age. When I was 32 years old, I was told by a 20-something year old local internet entrepreneur that I was too “old” to pursue online marketing….can you beat that? At that time, he was not even famous yet. But he actually laughed at the thought that anyone older than 30 years of age would even consider starting anything online.

I went ahead anyway, despite the self-doubt that the remarks created. His words haunted me for a period. I found myself comparing to those who are younger and tech-savvy. Obviously, this blog would not have existed if I had abandoned the thought of starting one. Even up till today, I am not in the least technically inclined. You will be surprised to know that I have no idea how to back up this site or about server space and so on. I have to get others to help me with the technical details.

I realize now that his observation is flawed. On the web, anyone can succeed despite age, race, looks and academic qualifications. It is possible to even upload a picture of a gorgeous-looking person next to your profile. Obviously, it would not be nice if others find out the truth. But the point is that the web levels the playing field.

Limiting Beliefs Prevent a Life of Abundance

Not all negative messages limit you. They affect you only when you have a buy-in at the subconscious. You may not consciously aware of what your limiting beliefs are. However, it is possible to investigate. It involves tuning in to your emotional disruptions and tracing them to the beliefs that you have internalized over the years.

Self-doubt limits you from living life fully. You hold yourself back. It means operating in resistance. Thus, you put yourself in the way of manifesting a life of abundance. In essence, living in abundance is to live fearlessly. Without fear, there is no limit to the number of options in life.

I share more personal stories and case studies in my book Self-Love Secrets. Click over here if you wish to find out more >>>

Mind Your Words

Just last week, an old friend – someone whom I have not met in a while- tried to dissuade me from my line of work. I believe that her remarks came as a result of her strict religious beliefs. In my opinion, she said it out of ignorance. She had little idea about what I was doing nor what I have personally experienced. The incident made me reflect on how negative comments can potentially stop us from pursuing our dreams. It was why I wrote this article.

Clearly, we need to be more conscious about what we say to others too. A limiting message can kill another person’s dream. Who are we to know what is best for another person? Do we stop others, just because of our own fears for ourselves? Are we mindful about what we say to our children and loved ones?

Share Your Story

Have you had anyone told you something that limits you? Ever been held back by fears, which originated from what someone said? What happened and how did you break free? Do share your stories.

Abundance always,
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Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.

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Evelyn

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The Vizier - November 15, 2011 Reply

Hi Evelyn,

I too have had a lot of people that told me messages that caused me tremendous self-doubt. The problem was I deferred to them thinking they were older, wiser or more experienced than me. I thought that they probably knew something that I did not.

I was told by someone I used to respect very much that I was not good enough. No matter what I did, I could never meet her demanding standards. Her influence haunted me for a long time and caused me to doubt myself. But in the end I realized that we all have different roles to play in life. Yes I probably would not be good enough to meet her standards. But then again, I did not have to go down the path she set. That was not for me and it was not in align with my true nature. I had to forge my own path instead of trying to follow someone else no matter how pure and well-meaning their intentions may be.

I love the story you shared about how the 20-something year old local internet entrepreneur told you that you were too old to pursue online marketing. You sure proved him wrong. But the key point in what you shared here is that you don’t need to know everything. You just need to be able to find help from experts and let them take care of the things you have less experience in.

I still make it a point to listen to what people have to say and to seek advice from time to time. I do so to ensure that I do not miss creative insights. But no matter what people say, at the end of the day, I have to form my own conclusions and think for myself. Also, people rarely see the whole picture and give advice from their own viewpoint which may or may not be suited to my circumstances. This is why discernment is so important.

Thank you for sharing this lovely article! 🙂

Irving the Vizier

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Evelyn - November 15, 2011 Reply

Hello Irving,

Thank you for sharing about your experiences and story. It sure does seem that we have the common experience of receiving negative and limiting messages.

I’m glad that you manage to sort your thinking out in relation to your friend. It’s great that you have learned about forging your own path, despite other people’s thoughts and opinions.

Fortunately I did not listen to what the internet marketer say. It’s ironical when I think about it now. He is in his 30s now and promoting the idea that it is easy for anyone to make money on the web.

I think it’s helpful to seek advice when appropriate. As observers, friends can offer us a different perspective. However, eventually, we need to arrive at our own decisions. We also need to learn to trust our own intuitive guidance.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

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Christopher Lovejoy - November 16, 2011 Reply

Evelyn, I love how you open up here; it’s a beautiful thing to behold.

This post reminds me with its compelling stories and lessons just how essential it is to be affirmative in your communication, to be tuned into the essence of who you are, and to follow your intuitive guidance.

As an affirmation of my essence in relation to others who cross my path: “I am good enough, and if you find it difficult to complement who I am with what you have, then I’ll seek the company of those who can and will.”

To be sure, this is tough love, but it affirms the most loving, most precious, most vulnerable part of who you are in this darkening world.

Resonating from the soul, moving forward with spirit,
Christopher

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Evelyn Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Hi Christopher,

It’s always a pleasure to have an old friend visit me on my site 🙂

Thank you for sharing your feedback and affirmation. Totally agreed about being clear in my communication and to be tuned in.

It’s also a wonderful idea to establish clear boundaries when it comes to deciding who I spend more time with. I was hurt by what my girlfriend said but took it as an opportunity to affirm the path that I have chosen to be on. It’s an act of self-love, for sure!

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

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Julie | A Clear Sign - November 16, 2011 Reply

Hi Evelyn,

This may be a cultural thing, but while reading the article I kept thinking about the messages that I received as a young child. They were basically,”You are smart so you can do anything.” I’m not sure if this isn’t more damaging than being told you aren’t good enough. The fact is that “smart” only gets you so far, and you can’t necessarily do “anything.” I have young boys and I often hear them say,”I’m great at this,” and “I’m terrible at that,” when those things aren’t necessarily so. Perhaps a better message would be that we should pursue anything and everything that is our desire and interest, and take it as far as we would like to go with it? I’m not sure, but I don’t like the limitations we place upon ourselves and others sometimes when we label or discourage.

I am so impressed with you for just ignoring the naysayers and doing exactly what you want to do. That is exactly what I endeavor to do on my site (and when all else fails, hiring it out is always an option!)

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Evelyn Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 9:33 am

Hello Julie,

I’m sure that I would very much prefer to hear “you are smart so you can do anything” when I was young LOL!

The message I tell my children is: you can do things well so long as you put your attention and heart to it. I also tend to back it up with evidence that when they have put in some focused attention and effort, they usually meet with greater success.

I teach my children about making wise choices. So if they are hoping for better grades and so on, they need to cultivate a good attitude and place some attention in the area they hope to improve.

Your comments have just reinforced the idea about writing an article on the type of messages we tell our children. I hope to share more. Thank you!!

I like trying out things that others claim to be impossible. It does not mean that I will succeed. In fact, I often look ridiculous at least initially. However, I find it necessary to follow my own heart. I want to live without regrets! So despite what others say, I will still proceed….and take my decision to some reasonable conclusion 🙂

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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marc van der Linden - November 16, 2011 Reply

Hey Evelyn,

Great post! You have beaten many of your limited beliefs. Most people are even not aware they have them.

I also had many of them. Most of the seeds of my limited beliefs were planted by my parents and just like you I could not blame for them. I think the most strongest and common one is: ‘I’m not good enough’.

Words and metaphors have power and this is associated with how we process them. Beliefs of other have power to help us or to make us self doubt. The only way to really control their power is to always keeping at least 3 perspectives in mind of any given situation, which is the base of higher level thinking.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Thanks for sharing

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Evelyn Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 9:37 am

Hello marc,

It’s great that you have already recognized what your limiting beliefs are.

I would say that limiting beliefs from anyone can trigger self-doubt in us. Awareness is really key to start with.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

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Ajen - November 18, 2011 Reply

Evelyn- what a timely post! A couple of weeks ago, I was faced with someone’s projection of a limiting belief. It is interesting how something like this can occur. It happened when I chose not to participate in an event because I had to study and the person who decided to attended made it a point the next day to tell me that I “blew it”…. said slightly joking. I thought that it was an interesting comment because this remark comes from a person who seldom take risks, who is set in their ways, and is highly critical of others. It is so true that we need to be mindful of what we say to other… however, it is more important to be mindful of how we think.

What we think about ourselves is oftentimes expressed in our words to others.

Thank you for this post… it has me thinking about mindfulness in an entirely new way!

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Evelyn Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Hi Ajen,

Thank you for sharing your story.

Most definitely, how we think affects what we say. I guess I was emphasizing on words and messages in this post – what we receive and what we say to others.

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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Galen Pearl - November 18, 2011 Reply

When my daughter was in kindergarten, the kids all made a star poster. The poster featured the child and information about the child, like pictures of family, favorite things, and what the child wanted to be. My little girl wanted to grow up to be a professioal football player! (That’s American football.) She aksed me if I would come to all her games. And I would always answer, “Honey, if you make the team, I will be at all your games!” I loved the way that it never occurred to her that she couldn’t do something!

As for age, I’ll be 60 years old in January, and I just achieved a dream of getting my black belt in taekwondo. I was the oldest person testing with a bunch of young adults and kids, but I just got out there and did my best and had fun.

So go for the gusto!!

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Evelyn Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Hello Galen,

Thank you for sharing the story about the little child. As I always say, we have a lot to learn from children.

A black belt? Wow! That is an amazing achievement near the age of 60. Way to go!!

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

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Rosa Phoenix - November 20, 2011 Reply

Evelyn,
Thank you for your encouraging messages here. I discovered your blog at the right time. Great work. RP

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Zengirl @ Heart and Mind - November 20, 2011 Reply

Dear Evelyn,

Congratulation on coming over your self doubt and releasing a new ebook! Looks very intriguing.

My grandmother used to say: I am as young as I feel and she used to do things that certainly were Youngish with me and I loved her for it. Any negative thoughts will limit us in some way or the other.

I am getting better each day! Congratulation on your interview as well. I am so happy for you and wishing you much success.

Preeti

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Johana E. - May 18, 2012 Reply

Hey Evelyn,

Great post – thank you for sharing and leaving seeds in all of us! What I conclude is that we think of ourselves is what matters the most in the end. I was also taught by my caregivers that a man was in certain aspects better or more capable than a woman. When I chose to become an archaeologist, I encountered great opposition, especially from my parents, who feared for me financially and health-wise. I chose to believe in myself and was able to change all of my limiting conditions to achieve what I desired. I think a woman or a man is born twice; first in their biological conception and second when we are able to re-program ourselves at the deepest levels to dream and live the life we want, in tune with many others who get there. Sometimes the natural consequence will be to drift apart from certain old roll-models, old friends or close family members, not because of lack of affection but due to the different frequencies each of us resonate at. On a related note, days ago I sent you a short e-mail to your facebook Abundance Tapestry site, to ask if you had any tips on clearing one’s intuition for a clear perception of this. Sometimes it just seems hard to discern and know whether 1. We are just self-doubting 2. Not listening to wise advice 3. We are actually clouded in our perceptions 4. We and our initial emotions, thoughts and decisions were always right.

At certain times also is hard to see whether the opposition we might encounter means we are in the wrong pathway and therefore comes as a sign, or if it is just a challenge dropped there to teach us and make us grow.
Shall you have any tip to sharp intuition for better decision-making or any prior post to this to link me to, it would be great!

Blessings always,

-Johana

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Celine - May 19, 2012 Reply

Hi Evelyn,
Thank you for this post. I guess it is true you find the signs you need at the right time.
I’m riddled with self-doubt. I quit my job almost 2 years ago to go freelance, feeling very confident and knowing that if I trusted my intuition, everything would be ok. I did ok for a while then self-doubt creeped up when i realized I really didn’t know how to sell/advertise my services.
I know I’m great at what I do but SD is definitely my worst enemy. I found out I was very good at pushing people beyond their own SD to go after their dreams, but I have a hard time applying that to my own life.
It is definitely a process and I’m not quite there yet, but building my confidence day-by-day.

Thank you again for this article!

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